balance_logs | Field Mission 4, Etude in Blue, Part One

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Field Mission 4, Etude in Blue, Part One

	You're not leaving until you've got this shanty memorized
	NAVIGATION

Click here for the RNG thread!

1. ETUDE IN BLUE: WELCOME TO THE SEA OF FALLEN STARS

A. A WATERY LANDING

You'll be going down from the Moon Base via glass spheres, shot by the flight technician staff member Avi. As usual, each capsule can hold up to 4 people, although it does get increasingly uncomfortable the more people are crammed together. You're shot down to the planet in the most horrifying way possible, seeing the landscape violently change quickly and without remorse or guilt towards your possible motion sickness or uneasy feeling. The landing this time, is a canonball. All along the middle of the Sea of Fallen Stars, blips of orbs will be falling straight down into the water. From the Moon Base, Lucretia watches on as the majority of you land. It's quite a spectacle to see the splashes from this high up.

And once you're there, you're... kind of up a creek without a paddle. Without a propulsion or engine system to move your orb forward, you don't have a lot of choices here. If you're lucky, you might find a mercantile ship out in between voyages. If you're extremely unlucky, you're going to have to swim... or maybe you can pop the sphere hatch open and find something to paddle with. Be careful of the sharks? Definitely be careful of the sharks. Your destination? Lyrabar.

2. THE LAP OF LUXURY, THE DANGERS OF LYRABAR

B. THE CITY OF MERCHANTS' DREAMS

Let's get something out of the way first: Lyrabar is a gorgeous city — and when you step off the S.S. Codfather and onto the docks about a hundred yards from the edge of the city proper, you'll be treated to a clear view of the entire skyline: Ornate, twisting towers of marble, stone buildings and finely crafted wooden structures form the city into a neat semicircle, with the marketplace at its epicenter. At the far end of the city stands a castle, a nearly glittering, extravagant structure, a maze of hallways and towers that seems to be stretching high toward the other planes of existence themselves.

Lyrabar is on an entirely new level compared to Vista Virs, New Aspen, or even the comforts of the Moon Base itself. This is by far the most luxurious corner of Faerun that you've encountered yet — even the standard-level rooms you might find in an inn around Lyrabar are well maintained, the sheets are clean, and the food is delicious. The food, though! Pretty much anything you can think of is on the menu somewhere, and, no offense to an enduring and malfunctioning robot back on the base, but his cuisine chops can't even compare to what's on offer in Lyrabar.

If only the people of Lyrabar were nicer. Weren't so suspicious of anyone new who passes through those gates. There is a lot of gold passing through the city gates, after all.

And the pirates who are slowly overrunning the city are well aware of that.

C. THE HOBBY HORSE

A lot of you strong archetype Reclaimers, and even the ones who aren't, will probably eventually find your way to The Hobby Horse, a tavern that is absolutely just a tavern, if a bit more crude compared to the other watering holes nearby and around Lyrabar, and absolutely not a place where pirates higher up on the pecking order go for a bit of Jabba-the-Hut-lair entertainment. Of course it isn't. That would be silly!

In any case, maybe you've signed the waiver, paid your 20 GP, and had a go at The Death Cave — essentially a long hallway, leading from one ring to the next, with waves of aggressive monsters brought in from the ocean and beyond for you to fight through. And for some of you, those of you who have played a hand in reclaiming three Grand Relics at this point ... honestly, The Death Cave might seem a little too easy.

The man taking your payments and signed waivers, a man who goes only by Old Numbers, a gruff, bearded old fart who seems to be more battle scar than human, seems to have a solution for that. He leans forward over the counter, eyeing you near suspiciously.

"Oi ... if it's an actual challenge yer lookin' for, Old Numbers can whip you up somethin' more ... randomized. Y'seen those Sea Quartz around town, right? Those rainbow lookin' stars that the fancier folk keep grindin' up into shampoo. Bring me three of those, and I'll give you a fight worth yer chops."

True to his word, you pay Old Numbers three SQ, he'll have you sign another waiver (essentially, you're going to have to name a next of kin — someone who's fit and willing to drag your corpse out of The Death Cave, because Old Numbers here sure as hell isn't going to do it), then he'll draw a random placard from a stack of three and affix it next to the entrance of The Death Cave. The excited energy in the crowd is palpable. Now the real battling betting begins.

Your goal here isn't to defeat all the enemies: It's simply to make it to the final exit.

Here's what the placards mean (As a further warning, these are highly dangerous encounters! You signed a second waiver for a very good reason.):

○ Sword: In the final room of The Death Cave, you will be pitted against a swordsman who seems to have been taken in by some sort of Faerun equivalent of malevolent corruption — and boy, is he having the time of his life. He is extremely fast, his blade is freshly sharpened, and he will not hesitate to strike down anyone who was unfortunate enough to roll him, while laughing about it. He does have what you might consider an ultimate attack: Gathering up energy into his blade, he swings it, channeling said energy into one devastating plume of magic shot directly toward you. You're going to want to find a way to avoid it.

○ Bow and arrow: As you make your way through The Death Cave, you'll be pursued by the, uh. Boss of this round, a ranger whose accuracy with her bow and arrow is unrivaled. Assuming you make it to the final room without being arrow'd, you'll have to face her head-on, too. She is nimble, and now that you've reached the end, she is much less keen on missing. To make it past her, you will want to disarm her — which means closing the gap between the two of you as much as possible, to force a melee.

Wand: Woe to the Reclaimer who manages to roll the magic user course. When you step inside, you'll find that the entire cave is flooded at about knee height, meaning unless you can figure out a way across it, you'll be fighting while wading.

The Caster — sorry, I mean Wizard — at the end of the line specializes in ice and electric elemental spells. Have fun with that!

D. IN WHICH LITERALLY EVERYONE WANTS YOUR COIN

For those of you who have gold burning a hole in your pocket, the shopping available in Lyrabar is near endless. The marketplace, located at the center of the city, seems to sprawl on forever, with stalls, storefronts and eateries that seemingly cater to every fancy, whether it's fashion or weaponry. If it's souvenirs you're looking to take home, the most popular items are necklaces made out of those ever popular Sea Quartz, that are being used at The Hobby Horse and ground up into shampoo, and very sarcastic postcards: Think, "I visited Lyrabar and all I got was this crappily printed postcard" sort of sarcastic.

Generally, though, as long as the item is not magical, and as long as the tech is not more advanced than what you'd find on the Moon Base, you can probably find it at the Marketplace. If you're not sure about an idea, feel free to ask right here!

Some other things of note about what you'll find while shopping:

○ There are a lot of pickpockets. Maybe you shouldn't actually have a hole in your pockets. Even with the people of Lyrabar as distrusting of each other, and of you, as they are, those looking to pilfer a little extra cash off an unsuspecting visitor will find no shortage of targets. Perhaps you're one of them. Perhaps you're the sort willing to start a brawl in the middle of the Marketplace to get your most valued possessions back. Maybe, if you look close enough, you'll see that many have the same insignia branded on their arm. It seems, if you'd like to join in with, or infiltrate a pirate crew, this band of kleptos might be a good place to start off.

○ The Auction House is located on one of the far corners of the Marketplace. It's large, marble and a bit chilly inside, and the biddings start at around 6 p.m. each night, but it seems there's something ... a bit strange about the auctions themselves. That is to say, you'll have a seat one evening, and about halfway through selling off half of the evening's inventory, you'll watch them bring out the next item: like a pearl, or a particularly large and beautiful clamshell — nice enough trinkets, but nothing at all compared to the other goods that have hit the auction block so far.

And why are they starting the bidding at 1,000 GP? And why are the people around you actually enthusiastically going with it? Man, they can't be that blatant, can they?

E. JUSTICE

Maybe by this point you've had something valuable snatched from you, or you can't quite figure out how nobody's put a stop to some very clear money laundering happening at the Auction House, and you feel the need to serve up some serious justice to the pirates out there who have done you wrong. Who runs the justice joint around here, anyway?

That inquiry will lead you straight to the royal guard — the captain of which is going to groan in exhaustion/annoyance at you questions, or even your bid to help out. You think he hasn't heard that story before? The second a silver-tongued charlatan charms their way into the ranks of the royal guard, they're looking the other way while their visiting pirate friends rob the rest of us blind. He's got no time for this. If you want to truly help, you are going to have to prove it first.

And so, with that, you will find yourself immediately thrown into an undercover operation, one the captain doesn't mind doling out, because at the end of the day he loses nothing from it except for a few disguises. That's right: you'll be given a disguise, whether it's a smelly pile of peasant rags or, if he's feeling less charitable with his budget, a pair of these (look, it's not like he actually cares about your safety here), and a piece of paper with one or two names on it. Your mission? Bring these suspects back to the captain without causing a scene. Or, well, go ahead and cause a scene. He has little shits to give, remember?

Pull this off, though, and consider a private audience with the one member of the royal family who still keeps an audience nowadays, Princess Irene, secured.

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3. OUT ON THE OPEN SEA

F. CONGRATULATIONS, YOU'RE THE NEW OWNER OF A YACHT

Whether you've had your fill of luxury, bar fights, enforcing the long arm of the law in town, or just gorging out on incredibly tasty food, eventually you'll recall that Lucretia had actually sent you down here with a purpose. She asked everyone to find a way to obtain a ship- one that isn't the S.S. Codfather (thank you very much, Sans!)- as the investigation into the Grand Relic can only get so far within the streets of Lyrabar. To that end, there are a number of options and opportunities for you to obtain such a vessel.

○ Steal it. This is how pirating works in a place like this. You find something, you take it, and you put a nice new flag on it to make it yours. Of course, there are some complications with that. Get caught, and you're going straight to nautical prison- don't pass the Hobby Horse, don't collect $200. But the docks district of this port town is known to be rather quiet at night, when the merchant fleets are out swindling cash at the bar, drinking themselves blind, or maybe just settling home with their family after an honest day's work. There are hired guards keeping watch, but it shouldn't be that difficult to incapacitate them. When they wake up in the morning, they'll assume what it always is around here. Someone forgot to pay the red tithe.

○ Buy it. There's always the option of offering something in exchange for a rowboat. Maybe you've come across a bountifully magical item that you want to dispose of at the auction house, or maybe there's a collector out there who's willing to make a fair trade. Renting them doesn't seem to be that much an issue either; transport around the region is always done by boat. Just know that you're going to have to put a down payment and collateral down. You also... run the risk of running into some unscrupulous merchants who are working with the pirates on the down low. Be careful not to get swindled out of everything you own, only to walk up to a tiny rowboat.

○ Mutineer it. You could find some work on boats, but it's mainly hard labor. You'll be loading the ship up for transport, and taking a trip across the Sea of Fallen stars to destinations at other major port cities. You might not need to know that some of these ships are exchanging some rather questionable goods to get the hint that there's a fair share misconduct going on around the sea. Time to throw the captain overboard and take command of your own dreamliner.

○ Other. Well, depending on how crafty you are, there are a number of ways to get a hold of a boat. These were just some guiding ideas, but we think you'll find a way. You always do.

G. 20,000 LEAGUES UNDER THE SEA

There's some adventuring to do out in the open sea, and treasures both vast and mighty. It's not entirely uncommon to find islands dotted along the landscape, and those are particularly good for docking and getting a sense of what's gone down around here since Captain Ferryn's taken command of the high seas. You might've gotten the sense that loose lips really do sink ships- that evidence is coming up pretty bill in your search for actual piracy going on around here. The good captain is incredibly skillful at both deception and infiltration, and with the Soul Blade helping him, there's almost nothing stopping him from completely dominating the entire sea and crowning himself the new royal in town. Mum's the word around these parts, so you're going to have to do some exploration. Pop some of those shrimp chips and head down to explore the underwater depths of the seabed.

There are an unbelievable amount of ships that have been wrecked and forgotten under the violent chops of the aquatic basin. With a few hours' search, you're incredibly likely to find one, waiting for you to go down and pluck whatever's down there. Be careful, however, since The Drowned are fiercely protective of their death locales. Fight through them and live to the tell the tale, and you'll come back graciously rewarded.

Many of the ships seem to have crates still on them- all with the official royal seal of Lyrabar stamped plainly on their lid. When popped open, you'll notice there's an abundance of sea quartz- the gems that are used to constantly provide a source of energy to the town. Hard to tell why pirates wouldn't be interested in that, when the trade is absurdly lucrative.

You'll also find areas where ships aren't present. Instead, you might come across entire fields of sea quartz. But in their current state, they're pretty useless and look like the trinkets you might have found on the streets of Lyrabar. Devoid of any magical energies, they lay deep on the ocean floor, a nuisance and an eyesore to nature. You'll also notice that natural enemies like sharks and Sahuagin steer clear of these areas, for better or for worse.

Good luck down there, and make sure you have a buddy system set up. Getting a glass sphere down into the water is near impossible, but Dr. Tank is on board the S.S. Codfather for emergencies.

H. NOBODY KNOWS THE TROUBLES I'VE SEEN

Know that the sea is not calm in temperament or safety. There are things to be weary of at every step of the way, and it's best to ensure that you have a good, seasoned crew to man your boat in order to keep you passing through safe waters. While you're out there, though, danger truly does lurk around every corner.

Pirates, for one, are particularly good at various ways of warfare. Many of them don't even look or appear to be like the ones you might have heard of in stories or experienced elsewhere. Some even fly under the banner of Lyrabar, cruising safely without notice by anyone that would be wise to what they're up to. Sail out for too long without a purpose or linger in an area too long, and a ship will approach, lining up side by side with you. They'll tell you that they're part of the Royal Navy, and hell, they might even be wearing the garb of the official uniformed ranks, and when they announce they're here for usual inspection, they'll request to board your ship. Protocol, you see, because of the rampant acts of piracy out in the open waters. Refusing might make you look more suspicious, but letting them on board as inspectors and tax adjudicators can be equally dangerous. Some of them are legit, and some of them will look to take command of your ship and leave you out in the ocean to drown. You're going to have to be cunning to figure out which one is which.

Storms rage all over the Sea of Fallen Stars. With the encroachment of the warmer months ahead, the weather itself battles for its rightful claim to the area. The signs of a storm coming are easy enough to spot, and they're frequent. Some will last 2-3 days and make travel nearly impossible. Getting out of the water is an important step in keeping your crew safe; and spending a night on an island or in a grotto is always better than running the risk of joining the armies of The Drowned below.

Maelstroms are an equal threat of immense dread. If you happen to see a swirling vortex of water, start heading in the opposite direction immediately. There's a certain magnetic pull that they have, and once you've been caught in the outer rings, it's going to take a lot of teamwork to get yourselves out. Good thing you've had a month to build upon that, or else you might be toast. For those of you who are highly less fortunate, you'll notice yourselves getting sucked in, closer, and closer. You can look over the epicenter and- good god, is that a tentacle!? What is that thing!?

The Prespuran Triangle also poses a major issue while traveling across the sea. Legend has it that if you sail too close to its navigable coordinates, your ship will vanish and you'll never be heard from again. It might seem like a wives' tale, but it's absolutely true. Come too close to it and you'll notice your compass begin to spin out like there's no tomorrow. Continue inward, and, well. You'll see something, alright. It's a tower that stretches into the sky, tall and unwavering. And also, completely impregnable and without doors. You're going to have to get yourself out of there somehow, and for your sake, let's hope you know the exact coordinates you came in through or else... you mind wind up on a completely different side of the world.

Last but not least, the pirates aren't the only ones looking to hop aboard your newly crowned baby. Don't forget about the Sahuagins, either. They seem to attack only during the dead of night, when the moon is ripe and full in the sky. They bring with them charming magics and are particularly good at getting people to willfully walk over the edge themselves, without even drawing a blade.

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4. OOC

This is your story to write, and your setting to play with! Anything on the OOC post is fair game, and if there's something you'd like to try, please don't hesitate to let us know on the RNG thread.

But most importantly, Reclaimers, be amazing.

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blurb code by photosynthesis

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

[ Honestly? Absolutely right. ]

Kid's still a kid. [ Wow, rude??? Though he doesn't get much to think on it since the waving of Something means attention goes to it immediately. This has the unfortunate downside of Alex phantom pains coming back, albeit less bad, but it still sucks.

Will himself is some level of aware of it because there's a brief flash of expression - entirely one of annoyance - before his eyes close and it schools to nothing. The pain disappears again. Why is he so bad at magic shit fffffff- ] Stop distracting me. What were you looking for?

[ Nothing is too weird for Alex because his girlfriend is weirder than all of it-

He tries to defend his maturity, but then the phantom pains return and he winces. ] Ow- jeez- [ Ahh, there it is again. Just what is he doing, anyway? Is Will a cleric? Eh. Questions. ] It's not like I'm trying to, believe me.

A secret passage. The one on this thing.

[ 'Yes, look at this thing in my hands again, despite knowing and experiencing firsthand the fact that even the slightest distraction messes up the skill'. The only thing keeping Alex from being sassed into the pavement is the fact that he hurt the kid no less than two seconds beforehand.

Next time though. Next time. ] So what, you scoped a place out then got tossed out a window?

[ Look.

Look.

...I have no defense. ]

No, I made a distraction, scoped out a place, realized the distraction was getting out of hand, tried to bail, then got thrown out a window.

[ Yeah, thought so. ]

...So you scoped a place out and got tossed out a window. [ Savage, dude. Play nice with the teenager. ] Do you have any fighting skills? Even just self-defense?

Who do you take me for, I've been in fights. [ ...He's scrappy. Please believe him. ] But I wasn't really expecting to get grabbed by a guy twice my size. I was just trying to make sure Mia and Honoka got out okay.

Sure. [ He's trying to believe him, really, but unless he can show evidence he 1v1'd a hydra and came back with a very fashionable coat made out of said hydra, then Alex remains A Wimp. ]

...A noble reason. However, how are you supposed to protect them if you're dead?

[ Not everyone can be you, Will.

But, honestly, that causes him to tense up. Will can definitely feel that, beneath his hand. ]

It's not like it's permanent here. [ ...Kind of a clipped voice. ] It's- look, I know that. I really know that.

[ Try harder.

And there's a long moment of silence here, the specific aura of one who accidentally stepped on something they didn't mean to and now needs to apologize for it and backpedal asap. Orrr own it. And he has to. If Alex is bringing up 'lol we don't stay dead' as a defense, he doesn't know the truth. And no one ever wants to talk about it.

Well. Time to do his Job. But rather than stern, the voice mostly sounds Tired. Surrendered in a way that can't be put into words. ] Revival here has a cost. A body part. An ability. A memory. ...I believe you know what you're speaking of. With that in mind? Keep up the distrust.

[ That's...almost completely true. That he doesn't know. Really, the defense is a weak one, even to his own ears. But, that's because of what he's experienced. What he's been kicking himself for, since arriving. ]

Someone told me something like that. But...he didn't know the exacts. I wanted to...I don't know, ask around. But fuck, just telling some random kid about your death? ...I know I wouldn't.

[ Yeah. That's the other downside to opening this can of worms. The spell fades in and out again like a tide. But it's only one small moment of Something, before it gets cut off. Apathetic monotone reigns supreme once more. ]

Then I will. [ ...Oh. Oh shit. ] I arrived here via my own death. Today marks the second body I have personally dragged back for revival. I am aware of the deaths of a few others. I have no opinions for or against talking about this, aside from the fact most humans get upset. I believe that makes me the best option to answer such questions. Let it be known whatever questions you have, I'll answer to the best of my ability.

[ What? Alex turns - definitely disrupting Will's hand on his head, but he doesn't care - to look and study him fully. His mouth drops open. ]

You... [ It's at that moment his filter turns off completely. ] You too?

Edited 2019-06-10 08:11 (UTC)

[ He gets the briefest look of irritation, because stop!!! Breaking his concentration!!!! Do you know how hard that shit is-- but the two words Alex gives stops the thought train. What is it with Lucretia picking up dead teenagers? Sure let's give them a second chance by making them feel conscripted into servitude. A+ at explaining yourself.

Rather than react to how a part of his not-soul caves inwards at how many undeserving kids keep getting their lives ruined, he just goes for Flippant. No mortal can shake off the horror of dying so easily, but at least the way an answer is delivered can take the edge off. ]

Yeah. Think I got wiped from existence, too? Th'way I died destroyed some of my memories. Probably for the best I lost the details. [ That is ominous as all fuck. ] ...But I am sorry. No one deserves to die at a young age.

[ Right now, a little phantom pain's nothing compared to what's running through his mind, so he's not really caring about a little interruption?

Honestly, he wasn't sure- what would make him special, after all, but it'd make sense with how much his life sucks- if anyone else had those circumstances. Being pulled from the void of death, back to conscripted service.

That...thing Alex said, about being made to work for the Bureau. Maybe it makes a bit more sense, now. ]

Jesus. Fuck, how the fuck does that... [ Those blueprints have fallen to his lap by now. He's not giving them a bit of attention. ] ...I died for someone I love. I- I had to save her. After everything we went through- If we both couldn't...then I wouldn't let her die.

[ Tears prick his eyes. ]

But then... Now I'm here...and she's not.

[ It makes an infinite amount of sense and he hates it, not just because same hat, but because he already sees where this is going. Three teenagers are enough. It's more than enough. Four is just unacceptable.

But the only other way to dodge the subject into something closer to 'I am an indifferent yet supportive observer' would be to go into details on his death. Just all 'yeah Alex, he soooo gets it~! He only bought seven minutes so hopefully Alex had better luck. Were you also eaten alive?' Yeah. That'd go excellently. And even then, it doesn't dodge the core problem that comes with what his answer gave. ]

...You're a good soul, Alex.

[ This sounds like a hyper-condensed version of some Larger Concept, but it's swept aside. ] It will sound shallow and you're going to hate the answer... But don't blame yourself being the one here when another isn't. Be kind to yourself.

[ There are things Will says that makes Alex wonder. Not everyone here is human. It's a passing wonder, and it's like this...more the way he says it.

In the grand scheme, it takes a backseat to all this. There's so much more to it, but how to explain. It's impossible to explain. ]

What...?

[ No, he can't- he's responsible for the lives of the people he saved. Isn't he? ]

But I- there're people here, who...who know each other. Who were with each other. What if... I can't stop thinking, if I'd just stayed alive, if I'd been with her.

[ Shhhhhhhh, Alex's narrative is totally wrong and just looking for weird supernatural shit in everything. Obviously. Yes.

For now it's more important to try and un-knot this cluster of despair Alex shoved himself into. He hates digging into people's lives. They deserve their privacy, their hearts respected, and quitting wholesale on that sort of thing was the best way to respect that. But in exchange, it means leaving this to fester, and what was he created for if not to take the suffering out of people? Even, and especially When, it meant being the villain?

Their suffering is more important, so. Welp. Get the mental lobotomy needle, it's time to crack some feelings. At least it doesn't feel like a game anymore. ] Why did you say yes to Lucretia?

[ That's not a question he'd anticipated. ]

Because...

[ Then why did you get off the plane? ]

...because I felt like if I did, I could do something to help. Last time I felt something like that, I-

[ Alex. Why did you get off the plane? ]

I had to. It just...felt right to.

[ Yeah. Definitely a good soul. Poor kid.

The answer is mentally turned, inspected, trying to intuit the next step in a burr puzzle. There's probably a metaphor about glaring at a late-game Jenga tower here, but the narrative is on a burr puzzle kick lately. Deal with it. Backtracking a move to free open a piece is a valid tactic in those. ]

Because it was right to? Or because of your Her?

[ It's not just her. His parents are there. So many people. If he couldn't get everyone off the plane- if Death wasn't chasing him this time--

He starts to shake his head, but stops. ]

Because...Clear's more important to me than anything. I couldn't let Death beat her. If anyone deserves a second chance...as many chances as possible, she does.

[ Yeah. Because of Her. ]

[ Aww. He was expecting more waffling before getting an answer on that one. The fact he's able to put it out there so readily sings volumes for how much he loved her. How much she was Valued. How much it's killing him. There's something concerning in there, though. Even before, he spoke of death like something Known. Even here, the words are wrong. Most would say "I couldn't let her die". Yet here it's not dying, it's death. So what. A misspoken answer? Did they both die once before in their reality? Or something further.

This is noted, but put to the side. Something to be addressed later, should it ever come to discussion, but for here the specifics aren't needed. Change pattern a bit. ] I'm sure someone's spouted off the whole 'she'd want you live in her place' thing at you. Well-meaning but ignorant. No one who's actually lost someone says that. I'm sorry you lost your Reason.

But I'm curious. Don't know your world at all, but how's this situation any different? It's only a chance at having our realities come back, sure. But a chance is a chance. If you've already gambled everything for chances before, then why not now?

[ It's sort of what happens, when you're so isolated from everyone else. They'd barely spoken before the plane, but... Now, it seems laughable to think he'd ever had a life before her.

That electricity between them, the immediate, intense connection...she may have initiated it, but he felt it just as much. Especially now that he doesn't have her by his side. ]

Because... If when all of this is over, there's nothing, and it's just me? ...I don't think I can make a new life. [ Somehow, it's so easy to admit this now? Maybe it's just because of the day he's had. ] I've already failed her once...and if I do it again? What's left? Nothing.

[ And there it is. The inevitable weak point. Even after death and six months of Refusing and so many from other realities, it comes up as clear as glass. Alas, the narrative can't make a metaphor out of burr puzzles or Jenga, because those only work during the consideration bit. Here it's more like a matryoshka doll, taking off the first layer to get the next one underneath.

Assuming the only way to get the first one off is to smash it, anyway. God, he hates doing this. ...But he needs his Reason back. So the words are delivered with all the dismissive disdain in the world, a knife to the heart given voice. ]

Hah? Giving up from the start? So much for 'more important than anything'.

[ He jerks up, that listless depression turning to fiery anger. ]

I'm not giving up, fuck you! There's no way I'd give up on her, not ever! I'll never- I'll fight Death every time, no matter what it throws at me!

[ For a moment, he's not here, on the ship. He's back in that cabin, eating processed canned food. He's locked in his old room, duct tape lining the walls and corks covering every sharp edge. He's by that rushing train, next to a half-decapitated body, and all that matters in the world is he live for this girl who's lost everything else. ]

It's never gonna happen. ...Even if this doesn't work, I'll...do anything.

[ Bingo. The rest is easy.

Anger is good. Anger means something resounded. The occasional depression is fine, sadness is a valid emotion as is grief and mourning, but that Pure of a reaction means none of it went into Surrender. Or at least not so far it can't be dragged back. Now... hm. Wrong words mean he'll go to the opposite end of working himself to death for the Bureau. He's paranoid and suspicious, has already been warned of things to keep in mind; the chance of this is lower. At least for the 'Bureau' part. Motivation without self-destruction.

...In retrospect, he really shouldn't be fronting this one. The hypocrisy leaves a bad taste. ]

Fooled me, then. 'Boo hoo, I failed her once, my life is over'. Just do whatever you did last time. Keep working toward a Chance of saving your world, and thus her. If it doesn't work, then start whinin' about killing yourself.

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welp. get lost hypothetical annes, seacats spoilers ahoy

yaaay seakitty spoils

yeets seagulls off the boat

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mmm cw: mild suicidal ideation

dammit why does he keep picking up depressed teenagers

you're a depression magnet

it's true