[ you're walking in the woods. there's no one around and your phone is dead. from the corner of the eye you spot... okay, just kidding. but you are walking in the woods. and you do hear something in the distance - snuffling, maybe? ]

[ then, all of a sudden, you feel a hand clamping around your mouth, and, if you're big enough to support a tiny teenage girl -- a weight on your back. (if you're not, just the hand) where did this teenage girl come from? what the fuck? is she kidnapping you? ]

[ she whispers a 'shhhhh' in your ear, and then points off in the distance. ]

[ yeah, that snuffling you heard? it's a dire bear. or three. or four. they haven't noticed you, yet, but maya waves her other hand to get your attention, and then points to a nearby tree. ]

[ better make a decision on what to do quick, they're keen hunters and it's only a matter of time before you get aggro'd. ]

[ so, you're minding your own business! and then it happens. a screech (actually, two screeches) from the sky above you. when you look up, you will see what appears to be a large phoenix..... wrestling with a goblin? or a child? hard to tell, really. but the phoenix is struggling to support the thing's weight and slowly dipping down while the goblin -- or child -- it's pretty small, whatever it is, but evidently not small enough for the bird to stay airborne. ]

[ so, uh, heads up, with another highpitched scream, said goblin/gremlin/child/unidentified squeaky object is plummeting straight towards you, desperately grabbing for your head or shoulders so it doesn't hit the ground. and clinging, regardless of how uncomfortable it is for you. ]

Nice catch!

[ turns out, the unidentified gremlin is maya! yeah, that checks out. something's amiss, though. she seems.... like she's even shorter than usual? like, two feet and soso short. not a small child, but small child size. her voice is comically higher pitched than normal, too. huh. how'd that happen? ]

Um..... you seem bigger than usual.... did you hit puberty?

[ note that she says this regardless of what age you are. feel free to throw her on the ground. ]

[ well, somehow you've gotten to the mine. and you're not alone! maya is here, at the entrance with you, and she's already jumping into the mine cart. there are no seatbelts. is there even a track? well, she doesn't care. ]

[ clearly, her priorities are in order. ]

C'mon, push me, push me, let's go!!

[ it's time for that donkey kong country level, and she's your (alledgedly) loveable kong sidekick. let's get this party started. ]

[ there's, uh, something that's potentially troubling just around where the mines are! namely, there's some blood on the ground. that's not great. you know what else is not great? the source of the blood, which happens to be maya, clutching at her left shoulder with her right arm. which, as it turns out, is the source of the bleeding and she's not doing a great job of stopping it! she looks pretty bruised and battered on top of all that, but when she locks eyes with you, she's focused and determined. like a shounen protag. ]

I need to find mandrake weeds! If you've seen any, you need to tell me right now!

[ she's fine??? it's fine. if you're particularly buff, she's also going to add in a: ]

How strong are you?

[ hit me with anything. ]