Field Mission 5: Il Prigioniero, Part 1

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There was a theme park in Caleb Cleveland, Kid Cop #7: The Carnival Caper. Sirs, I gotta say, I liked that one a whole lot better. NAVIGATION Click here for the RNG thread! 1. IL PRIGIONIERO: WELCOME TO CORMANTHOR A. A CRASH BETWEEN TWO FERNS Lucretia has given the orders and locale for the next Grand Relic to be reclaimed and destroyed, a task that will present itself with many new and weird dangers that the Reclaimers haven't come across before. For anyone looking to brush up on their history of Myth Drannor, the Netheril, and the forest of Cormanthor, some of you have already learned a great deal of what occurred here, in bits and pieces. Leon, the Artificer of the Bureau of Balance, had described the tale of a very unfortunate city facing a major energy crisis that was bleeding out the land. You've already met the culprit behind one of the worst decisions humanity has ever made (Spoiler: it's Karsus, a god-tier shit wizard who sacrificed himself to get some of you out of dodge back in Lyrabar), and seen the destruction, first hand, of what happened to the Netheril via the events of Vista Virs. Phew, that's a lot of lore to take in all at once. But as history would have it, there are always a few sides to every story, and the fall of the Netheril wasn't the only mass of land that had been affected deeply by its twisted magical decay. The forested region of Cormanthor, not far from the source of corruption, did as well. Cormanthor was once home to capital of High Elves. They had resided in a city deep within, warded carefully from the outside world, known as Myth Drannor. Today, it lay in shambles, lost forever and protected by the sickened forest that surrounds it. You see, over 200 years ago, a floating city of Netherese fashion had appeared over the vicinity of Vista Virs. A battle raged on between heroic paladins and the cult that had raised it into this plane of existence. The result of that war sent the planar magics that bound the raised city into turmoil. Its target? Myth Drannor. And what didn't destroy the city from impact damage left a far deeper, darker problem among the elves that lived there. A twisted sickness, a dark corruption, it seeped deeply into the hearts of all that dwelt there. Legend has it that the Tree of Life itself, Yggdrasil, is at the heart of Myth Drannor. But that's all ancient history at this point. No one's been able to make it deep enough into the woods to find out what really happened. Most often, they find the city of Shadowdale instead, and with that... Wonderland. Speaking of which, you'll be blasted down to the outskirts of the forest. The entire balance of magic in this area is highly off kilter, which isn't entirely new to some of you veteran Reclaimers. When a Grand Relic is used, it often leaves behind a very distinct path of destruction that makes even the most learned scholars scratch their head. Magical interference runs nigh high throughout all of Cormanthor, which makes this mission particularly dangerous. Bubbles are not able to penetrate the canopy of Cormanthor or land directly at Wonderland. As Lucretia had said a few months ago, these missions are going to get harder and come with higher consequences. She has faith in all of you to make better decisions. You're the most amazing and stalwart people she's ever met, after all. Blasted down to Cormanthor in parties no more than 4, you land somewhere near the outskirts of the forest. Look behind you, and you can see the yellow-hued mountains of the Netheril behind you, boasting a land of pure desert and its own uniquely cursed roster of flora and fauna. Pitter patter, Reclaimers. Watching a coast as it slips by the ship is like thinking about an enigma. There it is before you, smiling, frowning, inviting, grand, mean, insipid, or savage, and always mute with an air of whispering, "Come and find out." Joseph Conrad, Heart of Darkness Back to top 2. THROUGH THE LOOKING GLASS B. EMPTY WOODS The woods of Cormanthor were stunningly beautiful once. Before most people who walk among these trees were born, sure — but once upon a time, this was a beautiful place. A living, thriving forest, like any other great wood. When the Reclaimers enter, however, the first thing they'll notice is the silence. Unnatural, ubiquitous, and oppressive, silence is the single unifying factor throughout these woods. The trees themselves shift, first sparse pines, then white ash and beech, and finally towering oaks, maples, and hickory. The silence doesn't change. There is no noise but the wind rustling the leaves on the trees — and as you get further in, even that begins to fall away. It will become quickly apparent that there's no animal life here. This is a forest in stasis, certainly, but it's utterly devoid of birds flying overhead, four-legged creatures scurrying through the leaf debris. No deer, no wolves, no bears. No monsters. No insects, even, if you're paying attention. Those with the ability to speak with animals will notice very quickly that life simply doesn't seem to exist here. Those with the ability to speak to plants may be even more alarmed, because while the trees and other plants do respond, their replies are sluggish and distant, somewhat reminiscent of speaking to someone suffering with a severe fever, drifting in and out of consciousness. Travel through Cormanthor's forest takes a few days' time, and so much time spent in silence begins to take a toll. Never mind the fact that no matter your Boy Scout badges, you can't forage for anything useful out here: nothing from the forest that is eaten provides any sustenance. Eat a bucket full of berries, and you'll still be as hungry as if you hadn't eaten a thing. The trees press in on all sides, and you know each one is different from the last, but after a while they all start to look the same. Some will be more affected than others. Those with a madness effect (RNG'd or chosen from the list on this mission's dossier) will begin to feel it by the end of the second day. There are infinite options of how to play with this in the frozen forest, but here are a few possibilities: ○ If you have forgotten something important to you (1), it can happen quickly or slowly. Perhaps you're camping with your bubblemates, talking about someone from home. That Greg Grimaldis, was he really that bad? the Reclaimer to your right asks. Who, you ask, perplexed, brow furrowing, is Greg Grimaldis? ○ If reality is beginning to distort (2) for you, you might become abruptly certain that you're going the wrong way. Wonderland is back the way you came. Anyone trying to convince you otherwise is absolutely up to something — trying to make you look bad? Trying to hurt you? Who knows, but they're definitely up to something. ○ If you've lost valuable skills (3), they might drop out from under you at the worst possible moment. Even a forest in stasis has its hazards: pitfalls, roots that disguise holes and twist ankles, flimsy bridges that collapse and leave you hanging perilously over ravines, et cetera. Design peril to fit the skills you've lost. When you reach for your tried-and-tested knowledge, what do you know? It isn't there. You have to figure out another way out of this. ○ If you're feeling unlucky (4), guess what? The one person/thing in this whole realm that was keeping you safe isn't here right now. Everything around you is a portent of awful luck. Is that tree telling you to go die? It probably is! Paranoia creeps up on you from everywhere. Even your teammates. There's something about them that makes you certain everything's going to go to hell any minute now. C. EMPTY CITY Before you enter, you can see a town and only a town. Step across the border and you'll feel a barrier, something invisible and not quite permeable. After a pause, it seems to accept you, and your foot touches down in Shadowdale. Then you look up. You can't help but look up. Stretching so high you've got to crane your neck to see to the top is a great gold tree sprung from the center of town. You couldn't see any of it from outside of Shadowdale's borders, but the town, it seems, wants you here. It wants you to see Wonderland. This could be paradise for a while, a place to stay safe from prying eyes and protected by the vastness of the forest as the Reclaimers track down this latest relic. Except, not to put too fine a point on it, it's kind of creepy here. The whole place is empty — not everyone-got-up-and-left-in-a-rush empty, but ghost-town empty. Nobody wants to stay here, it seems. Maybe there's somewhere else they'd rather be. Regardless, it leaves you with plenty of lodgings to choose from. If you don't mind making your own fun, there's plenty to do, too: bookshops to visit, bakeries to use, butcher shops to — okay, maybe not that one. There's a courthouse, though. Who wants to play Judge Judy? Consider any shop or government building one might find in a small town to be fair game. After a few hours, though, it becomes clear that this place isn't quite empty after all. You aren't the only ones investigating. D. A FAMILIAR FACE (OR TWO) ○ The first face you see is a friendly one. Upon seeing the bracer on your wrist, Matthew Hollyweather walks right up to you, all the more readily if he remembers your face from New New Aspen. Despite the setting, he's clearly and genuinely pleased to see Reclaimers here. To those he's met before, he's eager to share all the positive change going on in New New Aspen: the newfound peace, the booming economy, pictures of one bajillion bouncing new spider-nieces-and-nephews. To those new to him, he introduces himself as Mayor Hollyweather of New New Aspen with just enough good-natured self-derision in his tone that he comes off as authoritative but kind of embarrassed about it. It becomes obvious pretty quickly that he's been here a while — a few weeks, perhaps, more than long enough to get kind of lonely. Matthew's only company so far has been that kid, who's nice enough, but only showed up a couple days ago. And why is Matthew here? Well, that's where he stops being quite so much of an open book. He's looking for something, that's what he tells you. Something he's missing . . . and that's all. If you want to know more, you're going to roll for it. Everyone can get information from Matthew, but if you were present for the New Aspen mission, you'll get +2 on any DC on top of your existing class or skill bonuses. ○ The kid Matthew is talking about makes himself known soon enough. Perhaps you catch him perusing the bookstore in his fancy-boy suit and spiffy fancy cap, nose deep in a tome his thin arms tremble to hold, clearly paying no attention to you. Or maybe he's chowing down on some truly unusual-looking fried concoction (where did he get that?) in the town square by the fountain, clearly paying no attention to you. Wherever you first see him, he is clearly paying no attention to you. Once addressed, he will brightly greet you and introduce himself as "Angus McDonald! I'm a little boy, I'm ten years old! Who are you? How did you get here? It's a really nice day, isn't it? It's nice to meet you!" Angus says a lot, actually. But other than giving off a strong vibe of needing to be noogied, nurtured, or both, he doesn't actually tell you much. Asking him anything is a good way to get the question turned right back on you. But then, nothing ventured, nothing gained, right? If you can stand listening to him extoll the virtues of Caleb Cleveland, Kid Cop for a few minutes, you might level up enough to actually learn something. Of course, you can't stay in Shadowdale forever. Literally: you can't. Every Reclaimer's feet are inexorably pulled to the entrance to Wonderland after not very long at all. The golden tree at the center of town is impossible to ignore. Step into the elevator at its base, and you might very well find yourself elbow-to-elbow with Matthew or Angus, staring as the numbers tick up . . . up . . . Carrying you to Wonderland. Back to top 3. WELCOME TO WONDERLAND E. A BEARY GOOD TIME You arrive in Terminal Square, where you can sign up for a membership with Roland and find out more about this larger-than-life amusement park. The entire theme park city seems to run on a currency known as Wunderbux- directly inscribed via magic into a stone you're handed after filling out a small precursory screening by the giant anthropomorphic bear. Gifted with some starting credits and maybe a really gaudy Roland-eared hat, depending on how much of a good Wonderperson you've been so far, he explains that certain actions in the park will add credits or remove them. He advises against owing Wonderbux to Wonderland, if you can help it. "Wouldn't it be unbearable not to be able to ride the rides!?" Yeah. You know what this guy is all about. Chutes and ladders will take you all over the various places of the park, all branching out from Terminal Square. The entirety of the complex is, at scale, ridiculously large. All throughout Wonderland, you'll be treated like a king if you let yourself be pampered. The sheer amount of gilded perfection that went into crafting this place is at a scale even larger than the Moon Base. Gorgeous fountains spouting golden water are not infrequent, stands selling food of every type imaginable pepper anywhere there's space, and often as you pass by, you can hear people having the time of their lives here. F. PLAY WITH ME IN THE SPACE! There's so much to do in Wonderland. So much. Honestly, you wouldn't be the first to say it's overwhelming. That's part of the fun! Wonderland sweeps you away with all of the fun it brings. We could fill pages with the wonders in Wonderland, but why don't we stick with a few highlights and let you fill in the rest? ○ Wonder Square: When you first enter the confines of Wonder Square, you'll notice it looks and feels sort of like a casino... minus the strong and pungent smells that usually accompany those types of areas, typically. The wide birth of the room overlooks a beautiful vantage point of the top of Cormanthor's forest; pale greens look out into a sea of leaves for miles on end, as if the rest of the world doesn't exist outside of Wonderland itself. And why would you think it does, when you're here? Tables are set up for games, games, and- you guessed it- more games. Arm wrestle against a machine to test your strength. Shoot hoops into a basketball for 60 seconds. Engage in a few games of chance: Queen's Call is particularly abundant in this area. You'll notice this is where Maria can most likely be found, surveying the area like a snake mother, carefully winding herself around the pit and ensuring that no one is up to anything less than pure, unadulterated fun around these parts. You can do you best to scam a few extra Wonderbux here, either through legitimate play at any number of the machines present, or otherwise through less than scrupulous means. Don't get caught, though... it never ends up quite well. Dodging in and out of the crowds of Wonder Square, often charging forward and giving his best at a VR simulation of as snowboarding game, you might find Niel here as well. He's awfully energetic, a typical cornerstone of youth in the midst of a truly killer arcade. One thing you might notice, or might... not notice? Every now and then you might look at someone one moment, enjoying themselves thoroughly or getting a little deep into the game they play. You blink, and suddenly they're gone. And so is the recollection of events that've happened the entire last hour of your life. Something tells you not to question it, deep down. If you could only remember what they looked like... or the fact that they were even here to begin with. Oh well, there are games to be had. Might want to head on over somewhere else. We hear Event Square has a ton of live entertainment for you to check out. Some people are even saying that there's a cactus like creature performing Jazz tonight! Now that's something you've never seen before! ○ Round Square: How did you end up in this luxurious tram? It's truly fantastic. Wheeling around the entirety of Wonderland as night falls, you're swept away with the romance of it all. Look at those stars! Look at that moon! You gaze fondly at the person sharing this ride with you, and— Wait, who's that? How did they get in here? For that matter, how did you get in here? You don't remember getting on this ride. But here you are, with a fellow Reclaimer and, if you're particularly (un)lucky, a native elf, too. In the latter case, it might be a good time to ask them some questions. In the former case . . . snuggle? We're not your boss or mom. ○ Speed Square: Upon entering the speed square for the first time, another Roland will ask if you got your Roland Racing Registration! Then you'll have a stamp card shoved in your hands. Going on each roller coaster gives you one stamp on your card, which you can then hand in to a friendly Roland for a beary special reward. ○ Ghost Square: While the Ghost Square has many options to take some years off your life — from haunted houses to fortune tellers to wandering workers done up in bedsheets — the main attraction here is the Hall of Mirrors. It boasts of the "longest mirror maze in Faerun!*". Inside, all the mirrors are kept polished to perfection via magic, varying between normal reflections and wavy funhouse style, but some of the mirrors might reflect something... weird. Either a friend from your home world, or a version of you from your past, or even a reflection of the person's soul. It's a fun ghost story everyone shares. *: The poster has the tiniest print of 'that we know of'. Whoever runs Wonderland has a good lawyer. ○ Reeducation Ride™: Not everyone's the funloving sort we want here in Wonderland, but there are ways to deal with that. For anyone who cheats, is rude to carnival workers, or is a persistent curmudgeon, party pooper, or fun sponge, it's time for the Reeducation Ride™. On this disciplinary ride, you are strapped into a cart that wheels in a wide circle for three hours, during which you are hugged and complimented by a slew of Roland Replicas™. Begone, sour face! Elevate, low self-esteem! Be snuggled! Be huggled! Be happy. Everyone gets in on the fun here in Wonderland. No matter how reticent one might normally be to do so, something about this place just puts pep in everyone's step. Nine times out of ten you might be the kind of person who finds rides, games, and having fun to be childish or beneath you, but guess what? Here in Wonderland, you're at least a little into it. So are the few non-natives you see. Angus is here, trying to figure out the rules of all these arcade games. Matthew is here, getting lost in Ghost Square and wandering the food court. A couple of other faces, too. Anything in the dossier is fair game for your use. But keep in mind, Reclaimers: those madness effects? They're still very much in effect. You're still in Cormanthor forest, after all. The longer you stay, the more you play, the worse it gets. Little by little, hour by hour, day by day. Have fun, kids. Be yourselves. Don't do anything Lucretia wouldn't do. Back to top 4. OOC In order to keep to our goal of providing the most personalized Wonderland experience for all of you, we're setting a limit of 3 RNG attempts per character this log. Additionally, please be aware that while more mundane rolls will have standard-level DCs (for this log, anyway), any RNG with the potential to uncover plot information is high-risk high-reward and will have a very high DC along with steep penalties for failure. As always, we will let you know of this before we roll, and you have the option to decline any roll at any time. Other than that, this is your story to write and your setting to play with! Anything on the OOC post is fair game, and if there's something you'd like to try, please don't hesitate to let us know on the RNG thread. Back to top blurb code by photosynthesis

Comments

[eudaimonikos]

Okay well, management can go fuck itself, but Michael is going to try to befriend the elves working the haunted house by providing advice on how to make their attraction even scarier~! He'd use his illusions to give a few examples of things they could try, if they were interested. It's all, uh, kinda high-octane stuff, but he does also have practical ideas about how to fake it. Let's not actually do a torture here.

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A couple of the elves - usually the ones wearing the bedsheet costumes - get immediately scared and run away right at the words 'even scarier'. The rest though? They're into it. Like, really into it. A few start repurposing some of the horror sets right away, four of them whip out notepads to take notes and sketches like they're graduate students with a thesis due tomorrow. They're generally REALLY committed to getting the scary Just Right, so Michael is a godsend.

(Haha. Get it? Cause he's a demon. :) I did a pun.)

[eudaimonikos]

lol

Okay, well, these elves are now his new best friends, and Michael will get right in there with them! He's never gotten to use this particular skillset in a harmless way before, and that's actually sort of exciting. We're going full nightmare here!

(Without hurting people. Obviously. He throws that disclaimer in a fair bit more than is really normal.)

While doing this, Michael will try to get to know the elves. He's curious about the backstory here - for one thing, why were those bedsheet guys even in this job if that's how they feel?

Thing #2: Michael would like to go through some of the residences in Shadowdale to see if he can find anything to indicate what happened to the owners! When they left, why, any of that stuff!

Thing #3: If you go in and out of the barrier around Shadowdale again, does it have the same amount of resistance as before? And what do you see if you stand half-in and half-out?

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Obviously Michael should find Roland and ask to take over management for the Ghost Square. He'd be way better at than

uh

Whoever runs it. The workers who aren't losers just say they have an area manager, but seem to blank on the name, but they all work for the owner anyway. Doesn't matter. If pressed about the bedsheet guys, they'll look mildly stressed, quip out that They All Have Jobs, and then refuse to say anything else. In light of Michael's lessons, this will only be a DC of 16 to press them.

Thing #2: At a non-roll glance, it's been abandoned for A While. Not like 'abandon my food here in horror', but like you woke up one morning, realized you had the day off, then went out to the races. And never came back. One or two houses have flyers for Wonderland, so it's pretty obvious where everyone went.

Thing #3: The barrier has the same resistance. For what he sees...

DC 18. :)

[eudaimonikos]

#1: Yeah sure, he'll go for that! It's really important to get people in the jobs they're best suited for, you know - if you've got human skin, you shouldn't work in the lava pits! He says that as if it's some sort of actual saying.

#2: Since these places are apparently non-disastrously abandoned, is it still unethical to steal from them? Is there anything that looks like it might be worth stealing?

#3: WELL THAT'S TERRIFYING but ICly Michael has no reason not to. He was probably just messing around with it anyway, hopping back and forth to see what it felt like. Let's do it...

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1: whoops i forgot to close the bold tag. ANYWAY Michael can track down a Roland, ask for the job, and he just Gets It. He thought someone had that job, but guess not. Weird. The pay's kind of sub-par, but it's enough to make sure his Wonderbux gem never goes red.

2: It is still unethical to steal from them. That said, if he wants to be unethical, there's probably some jewelry stashed away in some of them. Make some bank.

3: OOF that's a 2. We had to collaborate for this one, buddy. At least you didn't do anything fatal?

Michael waits with half his body in the confines of Shadowdale and half of it outside of it. For one, brief moment, he gets a glimpse of something. Something his mind can't wrap itself around, like a dark fog has beset upon it. His eyes go wide, as whatever is actually inside Shadowdale senses that someone or something has tried to figure it out.

The consequences of that action wipe 2 days away from Michael's life.

At some point, you recollect yourself standing in front of a camera crew. You're hosting some sort of reality television show, something about being naked and afraid in the woods, and the last dire moment you can feel before you wake up, is that a cameraman has caught something just on the outskirts of the reel. A long, slender, dark, towering figure in the distance. You hear someone shout, and then you immediately wake up somewhere else in the forest, confused how you got there as you wander, losing chunks of your understanding of time and space.

In reality, he wandered aimlessly around the forest, talking to himself, talking to the trees, in a fugue state of experiencing a surreal mindless like dream.

When he wakes up, he'll be sitting in the casino as a cocktail server will walk by with a gin and tonic. Classy, of course- she asks if everything's okay.

And here's your lingering madness effect for the duration of this mission:

Your character will occasionally ‘speak to camera’, do voiceover narration for events currently occurring, and sometimes speak their thoughts aloud, exactly as though they are a character on a TV show… they believe the Gods are watching their adventures for entertainment.

[eudaimonikos]

1: Honestly that was not what I intended, but alrighty! Not running out of fake devil money is good! So, uh, what's the backstage situation at Ghost Square like? Any employee areas he can now poke his head into? Like, uh, in the scary mirror place?

Also, what's the situation here? There's no evil contract - does Michael have any set hours, or is he just sort of a freelance creative guy? (it's his dream job omg) Does he remember all the stuff he does, and all his comings and goings?

.....also if the elves who work there are sleeping there also, he wants to at least get them like, something decent to sleep on. You bitches live like this?

2: .............fuck no that's so pedestrian he can't do it. fuck.

3: /turns to the camera like in the office

fuck yeah

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1. The back of the scary mirror place is effectively the backside of a maze. There's spare lightbulbs, cleaning supplies in case the magic shorts out, a map of the maze pasted on the wall with circles around what they call "Problem Spots". A few halls, dead ends, have X's at the entrance. Interesting.

There's no evil contract. He has no set hours. He is the freelance creative guy. He remembers all the stuff he does. All his comings and goings. But for the sake of mod-based clarity: this will get a follow-up for you in part 2. Look forward to it. :)

The elves get discounts on the hotel? "Discounts". Everyone gets paid like. Disgustingly small. Michael gets the obviously feeling they're being forced to remain in debt.

[eudaimonikos]

If Michael compares notes with the other Reclaimers - which he will - do the "problem spots" generally line up with where he and others have seen Bad Mirror Things? And if he investigates the areas marked with X's, can he detect anything unusual about the mirrors there?

RIGHT WELL, he'd love to share but he's also getting paid beans. Michael isn't sure if he's a manager, but he'll just start acting like he is and move the bedsheet ghost friends to jobs that aren't adjacent to the scary stuff. They can take tickets or man the maze or something. They can all also share the money-saving baked goods he learned how to make in town!

(If this were a longer-term gig he'd probably have a whole galaxy brain thing about turning the upper levels of the haunted house into a delightful living quarters slash break room situation but oh well!)

[balancemod]

Comparing the mirrors and the ghost stories is... interesting. They do match up! On every single case. Neat! He might be careful about trying to break them though. Someone already learned that lesson the hard way.

Also he's the Manager* of the Ghost Square now. He runs the show! The entire area is his to reshape as he sees fit. Like an architect, you know? Just simply thinking about turning the upper levels of the haunted house into a break room with beds Happens. It's usually behind his back, but with practice (read, dice roll) he can try to see what makes it happen. But does it really matter?

*▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒

[eudaimonikos]

On one hand, it's almost a relief to have some semblance of his normal powers back after so long. On the other, things should not reshape themselves like that on the mortal plane!

So before he tries to use it for anything more ambitious than that break room house he apparently made - which hopefully his employees enjoy because it's in the style of his Neighborhood and thus actually pretty cheerful and nice - he is indeed gonna roll to test it out. Solely on small-scale things! He'll try focusing on a particular item, like a cup of goddamned actually frozen yogurt, and see what happens.

.....if the yogurt fails several times in a row, he may decide to try something "scary" and summon a penis flattener.

[balancemod]

I'll be honest? I did not expect you to roll a 19. Whoops.

He seems to end up with this problem where the frozen yogurt appears, perfectly fine, additionally with his ridiculous flavors - who even eats Full Cell Phone Battery? - but it's always outside of his vision. Try to appear a Froyo, give up and turn away, suddenly it's there on another desk. But he manages something where he gets to catch it appearing right out of his peripherals.

A gap appears.

That's the best way to put it. A "hand" reaches out in a vertical slice, opening a small hole between what Michael sees and what is Really There. Also "hand" is used very loosely. It's hard to say what it is out of the corner of his eye, but it's a bunch of other pieces slapped together, countless cogs and joints and body parts, spasming in an attempt to stay together. It sets down another Froyo, then closes up the hole it made.

This time, and only this time, the tasty dessert has a small note attached, a sticker from one of those budget label machines you get at Office Sometimes-Works.

Keep up the good work! :)

[eudaimonikos]

this isn't a roll, this is just to say that Void Thing is now occasionally included in the groups of people Michael may address when talking to the watchers. wave hi to the camera, Void Thing!