balance_logs | Lunar Interlude 5

	FINALLY.
	NAVIGATION

1. IN THE NOT-SO DISTANCE: A TRAIN

A. GET YOUR BOARDING PASSES READY

As your friendly neighborhood interplanal technomancer mentioned earlier, a pocket dimension the Bureau of Balance had been using for storage got kind of ... well, infected is probably the most accurate word for it. And for a multitude of reasons, most of them for her own gain, Miss Zarves has unlocked the door and guided you toward the entrance. It's contained on one of the locked floors above your quarters on the Moon Base.

And once you step through the entrance and get a load of what she's been yammering about ... boy. That is most definitely a hell of a train. It's parked at a single solitary station, the air both smells and exhudes a general sense of unease and steam, and the cars seem to stretch on into forever. Much like infected was the most accurate word earlier, "demonic" is probably what works best right now.

Best steel yourself. And hang on tight to that diamond Miss Zarves told you to bring along (Dr. Tank is throwing a fit over having to dole them out, btw). You've got a director to fetch, after all.

B. THE TRAIN'S CARS

This bad boy (evil boy, demonic boy, whatever you're in the mood to refer to this thing that is definitely not Doomtrain (but probably is Doomtrain for those in the know)) comes equipped with the luxury status that befits its 5* Zagart rating. As you pull up to one of the many compartments, you'll notice that the landing zone is pretty much the same for every car that's currently parked at the station.

Down the line, of course, you can't even make out the beginning or the end of this monstrosity, and as you touch the edifice (that is, if you're brazen enough to do so), you can can swear you feel a warm, beating sensation under the literal ton of steel facing you. The rules of this train ride of the impossible are written firmly on a neat placard across from the entrance way. Doors will remain locked until you agree to the ToS set forth by... well, who you can only assume is the Conductor.

Decided to enter? Well, there's a lot to do here! Go be lazy somewhere else!

○ The Seating Cars. They're perfect for sitting in on long journeys. If you look outside the window you'll see neon lights swirling around in the distance. No matter where you go or what you do, it doesn't actually look like this train is going anywhere. You wouldn't want to go anywhere anyway, right? So just have a seat! You'll find yourself feeling pretty chill about sitting. So much so that it might be hard to get up. Thoughts just tend to slip away while you wait. And wait you will. Forever! Unless someone can snap you out of it.

Loot table: Sleepy time tea set (a set of 6 teabags that when distilled and imbibed have the same effect of the Sleep spell), any book from your home world, a memento from someone you knew before coming to the Bureau, an unsolvable crossword puzzle

○ The Art Gallery Car. You've wound up in an empty car with paintings to your left and right. Some of these cars have portraits of stuffy old people watching you, wherever you go. When you pass one, you'll hear one of them say something incredibly insulting towards you that strikes a deep nerve within. Turn around to get a better look, and guess what? It's just a painting, what were you actually expecting?

Other Art Gallery cars will show idyllic landscapes, that ripple when you touch the paint within them. Can you pass through to the other side? You certainly can. You'll notice that everything in these vast, barren wastelands contains ridiculous things that were once deposed of by the Bureau of Balance. One of them might have an industrial sized dump of old uniforms. You can see that Lucretia absolutely had a fashion designer come in and spruce up the digs. You'll find endless, and we really... really do mean endless fields of pizza sauce vats that sprawl entire pocket-within-pocket dimensions. Other ones will contain, as you guessed it, Fantasy Costco flyers. They're of varying quality. Entire pockets of failed machinery that was once met for the Bureau's sustaining devices on the moon are located here as well. If you can think it up, and it's garbage... there's a highly good chance that a painting can lead you here.

The worst type of Art Gallery cars will let you enter a painting that spits you out on another side of the train. Or worse, commit you straight up into an MC Escher landscape of winding stairs leading to nowhere and are nearly impossible to escape out of. Even worse than that? Paintings that you step into that show you a complete reverse of everything on the other side. Colors, shapes, sizes- it's Picasso all the way down from here. At least it's fun to look at it, albeit mostly harmless.

Loot table: Painting supplies, Blank canvases, Jars of pizza sauce (one tablespoon is as filling as a whole meal, 24 uses), Clothing already on your body but in complete color reversals

○ The Club Car. Eventually, you'll find your way to a car that's brimming with the sweet and sultry blues sound of the Runaway Five, a group wearing suits and neat hats that seem to play some of the best music you've heard in a while. Upon entering, you'll notice that your wardrobe has been redone into the flapper style of the 20s. This is one hell of a speakeasy. Take a load off, grab a drink, socialize. If you manage to get a word in with the Runaway Five, you'll find that the Devil Went Down to Neverwinter was quite a literal thing here. They might've sold their soul for fame, but for one and one night only, they're here to liven up the joint. Too bad this place seems to exist in a perpetual state of night. Oof. Be careful with who you make contracts with.

Loot table: Music sheets, handheld musical instruments (ocarina, flute, kazoo, etc), one bottle of extremely potent alcohol, your flapper outfit

○ The Dining Car. Towards the front of the train... or what you can assume to be the front of the train, is a dining car that's absolutely disproportionate in every sense of the word. As you enter, you realize that you're about the size of a safety pin in comparison to everything else in the room. Giant swaths of cheese boards make walking on the moon look like an easy task. Goblets of wine can appear to be a hot tub of drunken goodness. Take a stroll on the pillowy soft landscape of the bread flatlands. And, eventually... make your way to a literal mountain of Jello. There's something dark and shadowy on the inside of it, if you'd like to get digging. Who knows what could be under there, though?

Loot table: Weapons in the shape of utensils that never rust or dull, slices of cake that never seem to go bad, small jello pet that seems sentient and fits in the palm of your hand, a jalapeno pepper that when ingested allows you to breathe fire once

○ OOC/Etc. We're really open to seeing how you go wild with this log. Feel free to make up any sort of car you can imagine and throw it together. The key element here is leaning on the absurd, if you haven't gotten the idea yet, and we'll be keeping an eye out to see what you all end up creating on this hellish train ride to... well, you'll see. Notice that there are loot tables up there? Well, if you've read the ToS Agreement, you'll know you're allowed to take one item out of here. It's yours to keep!

Lastly, if your party winds up truly lost and can't make heads or tails of the train (and even as you get to the very front, where you think the Conductor's car is, you'll eventually get sent back to the very first car on the train), you can always follow a mouse with a sign. It'll lead you on a maze of forward and back shenanigans until you find yourself... at the station where you began. Wait, was this thing ever actually moving!?

C. THE OTHER SIDE OF THE MOON

At some point, though, assuming you don't get lost, you will approach a painting that is a chaotic mess of bright colors splashed across a dark black canvas. This is the last stop before you reach the Engine and, presumably, whoever it is actually conducting this thing. And considering all those other paintings you probably stumbled through on your way here, you know what to do with this one.

The other side of the painting, at first, is pitch black. Then, like flashlights blinking on, a splash of color. Then, another. They spread out like a web to reveal an entire second Moon Base, contoured in neon lights.

You're not going to find some Other Side Garfield running the Other Side Fantasy Costco (we don't want to torture you quite that much). But you will find that the layout of the domes, of the trees, of the buildings, is correct down to the last detail. And you're not going to find any other living creatures — you are going to find nothing but monsters.

Art that melts off the wall and springs at you. If you happen to wander to where your room is supposed to be, you might find that the item that's most precious to you has suddenly sprouted limbs and is attempting to shatter your bones.

Yes, you can fight the moonside version of Bender (we don't particularly recommend it, however! He's stationary and tough as nails — you can bypass him easily). If you wander down to the Voidfish tank, you'll find that the Voidfish itself has been replaced by a giant violin.

You'll have to fight the violin, too.

While all of this is happening, though, there is a voice booming through the entire neon base; a man speaking through invisible loudspeakers. He runs through the aforementioned Terms of Service, repeatedly, before his tone suddenly shifts, presumably addressing whoever has made it this far:

Get out. Get out. Get out get out get out get out

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[Oh god...that's perhaps the very last voice he wanted to hear while stuck wearing a dress and heels. Why couldn't Kokichi fail to recognize him the way Kaede had?]

[Maybe if he just...doesn't turn around and pretends he didn't hear him, Kokichi will give up and turn his attention to someone else. That's a totally viable plan, right? It'll definitely work.]

Edited 2019-08-25 23:48 (UTC)

[Nice try, Shuichi. He recognizes that butt, even if it's clad in a dress instead of pants right now. Also you know, it's kind of hard to mistake that hair too.

But for a few moments it may seem like it worked. Simply because...he doubts he hadn't been heard. He knows his voice carries, and who else in the room would be named "Saihara-chan". So Shuichi must just be ignoring him. Which, y'know...is fair. It's very fair that the other boy doesn't want to talk to him, even if that hurts a little bit to think about. So, for at least a minute, Kokichi doesn't move, debating on if he wants to leave him alone like he wants or not.

But eventually the detective will find Kokichi entering his vision, leaning around him with a bright grin.]

Saihara-chan!

[Goddammit.]

[At least leaning into his field of vision like that does genuinely startle Shuichi, so it's not like he has to try and pretend that he's surprised to hear 'Saihara-chan!'. He jumps, dropping his notebook and pen to the floor with a carpet-muffled thump.]

O-Oma-kun!

[Kokichi glances down at the notebook before bending down to pick it up for him, along with the pen. Here you go, you dropped these!]

Ooooo are you doing investigative work? It wasn't me, copper, I swear! I'd never steal the precious Nazda Diamond, nishishi!

[Shuichi takes them back with a soft word of thanks. He did drop those, thank you for picking them up. He's a little uncomfortable with the idea of bending down in his current attire...]

Ah...well...yes. But I know it wasn't you...and it has nothing to do with diamonds...

[Kokichi, you should KNOW what he's investigating...you should be investigating the same thing? Or at least looking into it, if not truly investigating.]

[Now that he's actually looking at Kokichi properly, though...]

...Your clothes changed to a dress as soon as you came in here too?

[It wasn't just him!? He knows Kaede's changed into a similarly fashioned dress as well but...she's a girl. It's not weird for her to be in a dress. There was still a chance that he was some kind of bizarre, embarrassing exception. But if Kokichi is ALSO wearing a dress...]

Edited 2019-08-26 10:28 (UTC)

Mhm, yup. I look great, right?

[He strikes a couple of poses with one of his amused equine laughs before folding his hands behind his head.]

Not as great as you do though, what a shame. So if you're doing investigation stuff - [Just going to keep going as if he didn't compliment him just then.] - do you want a partner? I can interrogate your suspects!! We'll get the info out of them no matter what!

Err...

[He's not entirely sure how to answer that questi-- wait what. Did Kokichi just compliment him rather than tease him? Or was the compliment itself meant to be teasing? Probably...there's no way Kokichi genuinely meant that, right?]

[He looks somewhat wrong-footed, but recovers quickly enough to respond to the latter part of Kokichi's comment.]

Um...I'm just trying to gather information about the Director. See if I can find anyone who has seen her on the train. S-so I don't really need to interrogate anyone...

But what if we talk to whoever took her! They won't want to be honest, y'know? That's where you could totally use my skills...

[Come on, it's definitely a good idea. Definitely.]

Ah, um... [He is not sure this is a good idea. Kokichi is...unpredictable, after all. There's no knowing what will happen to his investigations if he lets the leader help with questioning.]

[Could be good, could be a disaster. There's just no way of knowing.]

That's true but...if we did find the kidnapper by chance and they lied from the get-go...how would you know that you need to use your skills at all?

Saihara-chan, I'm a liar! I can easily spot when people are lying to me.

[Duh. He'll know, don't you worry.]

[Shuichi sighs.]

Alright...but let me start and handle the majority of the questioning. We don't want to potentially scare innocent people off by using interrogation tactics.

Okie dokie!

[He can do that! Probably.]

You're the detective anyway, I'm just your partner!

Right. [Kokichi, be good.] Uhm...by the way... What's that thing on your shoulder?

[He points to the little jello blob. Not having been to the dining car yet, Shuichi has yet to see these little creatures and can't fathom where in the world Kokichi managed to find it.]

[It's a little creepy though. Did he teach it to make that face...?]

[He glances at the jello, then grins back up at Shuichi.]

This is my son, Kobudo-kun! The resemblance is striking, no?

[The resemblance is disturbing, more like.]

Your...son.

[Kokichi, what?]

My son! I adopted him. Haven't you been to the dining car yet?

[Don't judge him.]

[Okay, see, you should have mentioned the adopted part from the start! Shuichi was a little concerned about how literal "son" potentially was.]

Ah...no, I haven't come across the dining car yet. Um... Is is all the food in there sentient, then?

[Because if so, he's not sure he WANTS to go to the dining car.]

Not all of it! In fact, I think it's just the jello guys.

[Unless he missed other sentient foods. He fails to leave out the fact that it's like. Literally made of giant food though.]

And they're all harmless! Look at how cute he is.

[Shuichi can't help but feel as though "cute" is subjective here. The idea of little sentient jello blobs is cute but Kobudo is um...well that's a face that only Kokichi could love.]

Err...yeah. Really cute. Um...did....you stick the feather on him or was he...like that when you found him?

[And that's why he's his son.]

I did that! He has to look the part, after all. We match like this!

Ah...I suppose you do...

[He is really not sure what else to say here.]

Lunar Interlude 5 — Part 2

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