balance_logs | Lunar Interlude 5

	FINALLY.
	NAVIGATION

1. IN THE NOT-SO DISTANCE: A TRAIN

A. GET YOUR BOARDING PASSES READY

As your friendly neighborhood interplanal technomancer mentioned earlier, a pocket dimension the Bureau of Balance had been using for storage got kind of ... well, infected is probably the most accurate word for it. And for a multitude of reasons, most of them for her own gain, Miss Zarves has unlocked the door and guided you toward the entrance. It's contained on one of the locked floors above your quarters on the Moon Base.

And once you step through the entrance and get a load of what she's been yammering about ... boy. That is most definitely a hell of a train. It's parked at a single solitary station, the air both smells and exhudes a general sense of unease and steam, and the cars seem to stretch on into forever. Much like infected was the most accurate word earlier, "demonic" is probably what works best right now.

Best steel yourself. And hang on tight to that diamond Miss Zarves told you to bring along (Dr. Tank is throwing a fit over having to dole them out, btw). You've got a director to fetch, after all.

B. THE TRAIN'S CARS

This bad boy (evil boy, demonic boy, whatever you're in the mood to refer to this thing that is definitely not Doomtrain (but probably is Doomtrain for those in the know)) comes equipped with the luxury status that befits its 5* Zagart rating. As you pull up to one of the many compartments, you'll notice that the landing zone is pretty much the same for every car that's currently parked at the station.

Down the line, of course, you can't even make out the beginning or the end of this monstrosity, and as you touch the edifice (that is, if you're brazen enough to do so), you can can swear you feel a warm, beating sensation under the literal ton of steel facing you. The rules of this train ride of the impossible are written firmly on a neat placard across from the entrance way. Doors will remain locked until you agree to the ToS set forth by... well, who you can only assume is the Conductor.

Decided to enter? Well, there's a lot to do here! Go be lazy somewhere else!

○ The Seating Cars. They're perfect for sitting in on long journeys. If you look outside the window you'll see neon lights swirling around in the distance. No matter where you go or what you do, it doesn't actually look like this train is going anywhere. You wouldn't want to go anywhere anyway, right? So just have a seat! You'll find yourself feeling pretty chill about sitting. So much so that it might be hard to get up. Thoughts just tend to slip away while you wait. And wait you will. Forever! Unless someone can snap you out of it.

Loot table: Sleepy time tea set (a set of 6 teabags that when distilled and imbibed have the same effect of the Sleep spell), any book from your home world, a memento from someone you knew before coming to the Bureau, an unsolvable crossword puzzle

○ The Art Gallery Car. You've wound up in an empty car with paintings to your left and right. Some of these cars have portraits of stuffy old people watching you, wherever you go. When you pass one, you'll hear one of them say something incredibly insulting towards you that strikes a deep nerve within. Turn around to get a better look, and guess what? It's just a painting, what were you actually expecting?

Other Art Gallery cars will show idyllic landscapes, that ripple when you touch the paint within them. Can you pass through to the other side? You certainly can. You'll notice that everything in these vast, barren wastelands contains ridiculous things that were once deposed of by the Bureau of Balance. One of them might have an industrial sized dump of old uniforms. You can see that Lucretia absolutely had a fashion designer come in and spruce up the digs. You'll find endless, and we really... really do mean endless fields of pizza sauce vats that sprawl entire pocket-within-pocket dimensions. Other ones will contain, as you guessed it, Fantasy Costco flyers. They're of varying quality. Entire pockets of failed machinery that was once met for the Bureau's sustaining devices on the moon are located here as well. If you can think it up, and it's garbage... there's a highly good chance that a painting can lead you here.

The worst type of Art Gallery cars will let you enter a painting that spits you out on another side of the train. Or worse, commit you straight up into an MC Escher landscape of winding stairs leading to nowhere and are nearly impossible to escape out of. Even worse than that? Paintings that you step into that show you a complete reverse of everything on the other side. Colors, shapes, sizes- it's Picasso all the way down from here. At least it's fun to look at it, albeit mostly harmless.

Loot table: Painting supplies, Blank canvases, Jars of pizza sauce (one tablespoon is as filling as a whole meal, 24 uses), Clothing already on your body but in complete color reversals

○ The Club Car. Eventually, you'll find your way to a car that's brimming with the sweet and sultry blues sound of the Runaway Five, a group wearing suits and neat hats that seem to play some of the best music you've heard in a while. Upon entering, you'll notice that your wardrobe has been redone into the flapper style of the 20s. This is one hell of a speakeasy. Take a load off, grab a drink, socialize. If you manage to get a word in with the Runaway Five, you'll find that the Devil Went Down to Neverwinter was quite a literal thing here. They might've sold their soul for fame, but for one and one night only, they're here to liven up the joint. Too bad this place seems to exist in a perpetual state of night. Oof. Be careful with who you make contracts with.

Loot table: Music sheets, handheld musical instruments (ocarina, flute, kazoo, etc), one bottle of extremely potent alcohol, your flapper outfit

○ The Dining Car. Towards the front of the train... or what you can assume to be the front of the train, is a dining car that's absolutely disproportionate in every sense of the word. As you enter, you realize that you're about the size of a safety pin in comparison to everything else in the room. Giant swaths of cheese boards make walking on the moon look like an easy task. Goblets of wine can appear to be a hot tub of drunken goodness. Take a stroll on the pillowy soft landscape of the bread flatlands. And, eventually... make your way to a literal mountain of Jello. There's something dark and shadowy on the inside of it, if you'd like to get digging. Who knows what could be under there, though?

Loot table: Weapons in the shape of utensils that never rust or dull, slices of cake that never seem to go bad, small jello pet that seems sentient and fits in the palm of your hand, a jalapeno pepper that when ingested allows you to breathe fire once

○ OOC/Etc. We're really open to seeing how you go wild with this log. Feel free to make up any sort of car you can imagine and throw it together. The key element here is leaning on the absurd, if you haven't gotten the idea yet, and we'll be keeping an eye out to see what you all end up creating on this hellish train ride to... well, you'll see. Notice that there are loot tables up there? Well, if you've read the ToS Agreement, you'll know you're allowed to take one item out of here. It's yours to keep!

Lastly, if your party winds up truly lost and can't make heads or tails of the train (and even as you get to the very front, where you think the Conductor's car is, you'll eventually get sent back to the very first car on the train), you can always follow a mouse with a sign. It'll lead you on a maze of forward and back shenanigans until you find yourself... at the station where you began. Wait, was this thing ever actually moving!?

C. THE OTHER SIDE OF THE MOON

At some point, though, assuming you don't get lost, you will approach a painting that is a chaotic mess of bright colors splashed across a dark black canvas. This is the last stop before you reach the Engine and, presumably, whoever it is actually conducting this thing. And considering all those other paintings you probably stumbled through on your way here, you know what to do with this one.

The other side of the painting, at first, is pitch black. Then, like flashlights blinking on, a splash of color. Then, another. They spread out like a web to reveal an entire second Moon Base, contoured in neon lights.

You're not going to find some Other Side Garfield running the Other Side Fantasy Costco (we don't want to torture you quite that much). But you will find that the layout of the domes, of the trees, of the buildings, is correct down to the last detail. And you're not going to find any other living creatures — you are going to find nothing but monsters.

Art that melts off the wall and springs at you. If you happen to wander to where your room is supposed to be, you might find that the item that's most precious to you has suddenly sprouted limbs and is attempting to shatter your bones.

Yes, you can fight the moonside version of Bender (we don't particularly recommend it, however! He's stationary and tough as nails — you can bypass him easily). If you wander down to the Voidfish tank, you'll find that the Voidfish itself has been replaced by a giant violin.

You'll have to fight the violin, too.

While all of this is happening, though, there is a voice booming through the entire neon base; a man speaking through invisible loudspeakers. He runs through the aforementioned Terms of Service, repeatedly, before his tone suddenly shifts, presumably addressing whoever has made it this far:

Get out. Get out. Get out get out get out get out

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

E-eh?

[Wait, what just happened? The pervert is asleep and he's being pulled away and oh it's just Kaede. Except...]

.....

[She doesn't realize that it's him, does she? Nope...it does not look that way. Because she's talking to him like he's a complete and total stranger. A female stranger, at that, if she's commenting on how cute he is. Which...he can't blame her for making that mistake. He IS in a dress, after all. BUT STILL...]

[...this is a little depressing.]

Uhm...I'm okay, Akamatsu-san...

[Surely she'll recognize his voice, surely. Especially since he used her name.]

...Huh?!

[Yeah, she can't mistake that voice for anyone else. She drops Shuichi's wrist as if scalded, wheeling around wide-eyed to look at the "girl" she rescued more closely.]

Oh my God! I totally didn't recognize you! [Ob...viously.] You just looked so cute in that dress, I just assumed--!

[Wait, boys don't like being called "cute," right? She's pretty sure she remembers hearing that somewhere...]

I-I mean, you look very handsome, Saihara-kun!

[...]

Aha... It's okay...

[He looks faintly depressed despite the redness of his cheeks. Even that dumb little antenna hair of his seems to be drooping a little. She assumed he was a girl, yup. He already knew that, but there's just something about actually hearing her say it that twists the knife in deeper.]

Uhm...y-you look very nice.

[Hey, let's talk about you instead of him. Let's just pretend he's not wearing a slinky, sequined abomination instead of a nice, dapper suit.]

[He'd be more embarrassed about the "handsome" compliment except...he knows it's not really genuine. "Cute" is what she meant to say, "handsome" was just embarrassed over-correcting on her part. An attempt to spare his ~manly pride~ or something like that. Which...he didn't exactly have in spades to begin with. Which is maybe a good thing, given the situation. He's more embarrassed than wounded by being called cute and being forced into a dress.]

Oh... thank you!

[She claps her hands to her cheeks with a laugh. Sure, it's pretty weird to be magically put in another outfit, but for an occasion like this, it's just too much fun to really protest.]

C'mon, let's get a little further away from that weirdo... the sleep spell only works for about a minute.

[She offers her hand for him to take again. Surely if people think he's with her, they'll leave him alone? That's the logic, anyway.]

I had to put some other gross guy to sleep earlier, too. It's easier than trying to threaten someone with my sword, anyway.

["Give me a hug!" apparently isn't contained to just Kaito. Also not that she has her sword on her right now anyway? It seems to have magically vanished along with the rest of her usual adventuring outfit.]

[Shuichi stares at her hand for a moment before taking it with a soft hum and allowing himself to be led away.]

Ah...I bet. Safer too, I'd imagine...

[People don't always react well to threats, after all. Especially if it's a man being threatened by a teenage girl.]

Mmhm.

[She leads him off to the side before picking a long seat with its back to the wall of the train. Kaede never used to think about things like that, whether or not her back was exposed, but training with Blake, Qrow, and Akechi had instilled that into her whether she wanted it or not.]

Isn't the music here great? I hope we can get the band to come back with us, once we find the Director.

[Shuichi follows, sliding into the seat next to Kaede though his posture is a little more tense and upright than usual. This whole situation was pretty uncomfortable to begin with but running into Kaede just made it worse. She's one of the last people he'd want to see in this car but. Oh well.]

Ah, um...i-it's nice... [He glances over at the band in question, watching them play.] I wonder...if they even could come back with us.

[Kaede, on the other hand, doesn't seem very bothered at all by Shuichi being in a dress. Sure, she's embarrassed about her mistake, but it's not her fault he looks cute!]

I hope they can... I talked to them a little already, and they'd like to come with us! I don't know a lot about this whole "traveling to other planes" thing, though... it doesn't make a lot of sense when I try to think about it.

[Of course she doesn't...she's a perverted old man, at heart. Shuichi knows this, and yet he loves her anyway.]

Aha...and I'm sure I know even less about it than you... [Since he is so very, very new to all this magic bullshit still. shortly after he says this, however, he seems struck by inspiration.] Oh! Michael-san might know something though! He has experience with traveling between planes...

Lunar Interlude 5 — Part 2

nobody ever orders a creepy old man, kaede. why do you do these things.

she's Gotta

u really don't tho smdh

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