balance_logs | Lunar Interlude 5

	FINALLY.
	NAVIGATION

1. IN THE NOT-SO DISTANCE: A TRAIN

A. GET YOUR BOARDING PASSES READY

As your friendly neighborhood interplanal technomancer mentioned earlier, a pocket dimension the Bureau of Balance had been using for storage got kind of ... well, infected is probably the most accurate word for it. And for a multitude of reasons, most of them for her own gain, Miss Zarves has unlocked the door and guided you toward the entrance. It's contained on one of the locked floors above your quarters on the Moon Base.

And once you step through the entrance and get a load of what she's been yammering about ... boy. That is most definitely a hell of a train. It's parked at a single solitary station, the air both smells and exhudes a general sense of unease and steam, and the cars seem to stretch on into forever. Much like infected was the most accurate word earlier, "demonic" is probably what works best right now.

Best steel yourself. And hang on tight to that diamond Miss Zarves told you to bring along (Dr. Tank is throwing a fit over having to dole them out, btw). You've got a director to fetch, after all.

B. THE TRAIN'S CARS

This bad boy (evil boy, demonic boy, whatever you're in the mood to refer to this thing that is definitely not Doomtrain (but probably is Doomtrain for those in the know)) comes equipped with the luxury status that befits its 5* Zagart rating. As you pull up to one of the many compartments, you'll notice that the landing zone is pretty much the same for every car that's currently parked at the station.

Down the line, of course, you can't even make out the beginning or the end of this monstrosity, and as you touch the edifice (that is, if you're brazen enough to do so), you can can swear you feel a warm, beating sensation under the literal ton of steel facing you. The rules of this train ride of the impossible are written firmly on a neat placard across from the entrance way. Doors will remain locked until you agree to the ToS set forth by... well, who you can only assume is the Conductor.

Decided to enter? Well, there's a lot to do here! Go be lazy somewhere else!

○ The Seating Cars. They're perfect for sitting in on long journeys. If you look outside the window you'll see neon lights swirling around in the distance. No matter where you go or what you do, it doesn't actually look like this train is going anywhere. You wouldn't want to go anywhere anyway, right? So just have a seat! You'll find yourself feeling pretty chill about sitting. So much so that it might be hard to get up. Thoughts just tend to slip away while you wait. And wait you will. Forever! Unless someone can snap you out of it.

Loot table: Sleepy time tea set (a set of 6 teabags that when distilled and imbibed have the same effect of the Sleep spell), any book from your home world, a memento from someone you knew before coming to the Bureau, an unsolvable crossword puzzle

○ The Art Gallery Car. You've wound up in an empty car with paintings to your left and right. Some of these cars have portraits of stuffy old people watching you, wherever you go. When you pass one, you'll hear one of them say something incredibly insulting towards you that strikes a deep nerve within. Turn around to get a better look, and guess what? It's just a painting, what were you actually expecting?

Other Art Gallery cars will show idyllic landscapes, that ripple when you touch the paint within them. Can you pass through to the other side? You certainly can. You'll notice that everything in these vast, barren wastelands contains ridiculous things that were once deposed of by the Bureau of Balance. One of them might have an industrial sized dump of old uniforms. You can see that Lucretia absolutely had a fashion designer come in and spruce up the digs. You'll find endless, and we really... really do mean endless fields of pizza sauce vats that sprawl entire pocket-within-pocket dimensions. Other ones will contain, as you guessed it, Fantasy Costco flyers. They're of varying quality. Entire pockets of failed machinery that was once met for the Bureau's sustaining devices on the moon are located here as well. If you can think it up, and it's garbage... there's a highly good chance that a painting can lead you here.

The worst type of Art Gallery cars will let you enter a painting that spits you out on another side of the train. Or worse, commit you straight up into an MC Escher landscape of winding stairs leading to nowhere and are nearly impossible to escape out of. Even worse than that? Paintings that you step into that show you a complete reverse of everything on the other side. Colors, shapes, sizes- it's Picasso all the way down from here. At least it's fun to look at it, albeit mostly harmless.

Loot table: Painting supplies, Blank canvases, Jars of pizza sauce (one tablespoon is as filling as a whole meal, 24 uses), Clothing already on your body but in complete color reversals

○ The Club Car. Eventually, you'll find your way to a car that's brimming with the sweet and sultry blues sound of the Runaway Five, a group wearing suits and neat hats that seem to play some of the best music you've heard in a while. Upon entering, you'll notice that your wardrobe has been redone into the flapper style of the 20s. This is one hell of a speakeasy. Take a load off, grab a drink, socialize. If you manage to get a word in with the Runaway Five, you'll find that the Devil Went Down to Neverwinter was quite a literal thing here. They might've sold their soul for fame, but for one and one night only, they're here to liven up the joint. Too bad this place seems to exist in a perpetual state of night. Oof. Be careful with who you make contracts with.

Loot table: Music sheets, handheld musical instruments (ocarina, flute, kazoo, etc), one bottle of extremely potent alcohol, your flapper outfit

○ The Dining Car. Towards the front of the train... or what you can assume to be the front of the train, is a dining car that's absolutely disproportionate in every sense of the word. As you enter, you realize that you're about the size of a safety pin in comparison to everything else in the room. Giant swaths of cheese boards make walking on the moon look like an easy task. Goblets of wine can appear to be a hot tub of drunken goodness. Take a stroll on the pillowy soft landscape of the bread flatlands. And, eventually... make your way to a literal mountain of Jello. There's something dark and shadowy on the inside of it, if you'd like to get digging. Who knows what could be under there, though?

Loot table: Weapons in the shape of utensils that never rust or dull, slices of cake that never seem to go bad, small jello pet that seems sentient and fits in the palm of your hand, a jalapeno pepper that when ingested allows you to breathe fire once

○ OOC/Etc. We're really open to seeing how you go wild with this log. Feel free to make up any sort of car you can imagine and throw it together. The key element here is leaning on the absurd, if you haven't gotten the idea yet, and we'll be keeping an eye out to see what you all end up creating on this hellish train ride to... well, you'll see. Notice that there are loot tables up there? Well, if you've read the ToS Agreement, you'll know you're allowed to take one item out of here. It's yours to keep!

Lastly, if your party winds up truly lost and can't make heads or tails of the train (and even as you get to the very front, where you think the Conductor's car is, you'll eventually get sent back to the very first car on the train), you can always follow a mouse with a sign. It'll lead you on a maze of forward and back shenanigans until you find yourself... at the station where you began. Wait, was this thing ever actually moving!?

C. THE OTHER SIDE OF THE MOON

At some point, though, assuming you don't get lost, you will approach a painting that is a chaotic mess of bright colors splashed across a dark black canvas. This is the last stop before you reach the Engine and, presumably, whoever it is actually conducting this thing. And considering all those other paintings you probably stumbled through on your way here, you know what to do with this one.

The other side of the painting, at first, is pitch black. Then, like flashlights blinking on, a splash of color. Then, another. They spread out like a web to reveal an entire second Moon Base, contoured in neon lights.

You're not going to find some Other Side Garfield running the Other Side Fantasy Costco (we don't want to torture you quite that much). But you will find that the layout of the domes, of the trees, of the buildings, is correct down to the last detail. And you're not going to find any other living creatures — you are going to find nothing but monsters.

Art that melts off the wall and springs at you. If you happen to wander to where your room is supposed to be, you might find that the item that's most precious to you has suddenly sprouted limbs and is attempting to shatter your bones.

Yes, you can fight the moonside version of Bender (we don't particularly recommend it, however! He's stationary and tough as nails — you can bypass him easily). If you wander down to the Voidfish tank, you'll find that the Voidfish itself has been replaced by a giant violin.

You'll have to fight the violin, too.

While all of this is happening, though, there is a voice booming through the entire neon base; a man speaking through invisible loudspeakers. He runs through the aforementioned Terms of Service, repeatedly, before his tone suddenly shifts, presumably addressing whoever has made it this far:

Get out. Get out. Get out get out get out get out

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

[Shuichi is currently examining a portrait of a very prim woman standing on a bridge holding a parasol with a frown on his face. He could have sworn he heard her make a very snide comment about him but...that's absurd, right? It's a picture. One that's definitely not moving or talking now.]

Um...I'm sorry. Hear what, exactly?

[Thank goodness she's not the only one in here. If there's something weird going on, someone else has to see it, right?]

Someone said something about my ears, it was—

[She glances back towards the painting.

It's crazy, isn't it? She winces, pressing the heel of her hand against her forehead. She needs to remember that nothing is ever outside the realm of possibility in this place.]

I know this sounds stupid out loud, but it might have been one of the paintings.

[Shuichi looks oddly relieved when she mentions the painting, but he looks around the car before answering. Just to double check that they're the only two people in the car. Because he knows HE didn't say anything about her ears and her voice doesn't sound like the one he heard before, so if there's no other possible human culprits...]

I didn't hear anything about your ears but...um. I could have sworn I heard this painting [A gesture to the woman with the parasol.] say something earlier. So I don't think it sounds stupid...

[Crazy? Yes. But the situation is what's crazy, not Blake.]

[There's a sense of relief that visibly washes over her— at least if she's hearing things, then the two of them are hearing things together, and that's preferable to doubting herself alone.]

What did she say?

[As if that makes a difference.]

I knew there was something weird going on in here. Compared to what I expected, this is almost tame... not that I'm about to look a gift horse in the mouth.

[It could be so much worse than rude paintings. Honestly, it probably will be, eventually.]

A-Ah... She um... [For a second, he looks uncomfortable, fiddling with the sleeve of his robe and glancing down at the floor. But after taking a deep breath, he looks up and tries his best to sound unbothered and nonchalant:] ...commented on how I'm only reliable when there's a mystery to solve.

[Totally. Not bothered at all. Nope. Definitely not bothered, even when a snide, drawling voice from somewhere behind both of them adds:]

Well it's true, even his closest friends would tell you so!

[Shuichi closes his eyes and inhales through his nose again. he's just...going to ignore it. He's pretty sure that's what Kaito would tell him to do in this situation. So he's just going to keep talking as though he wasn't just interrupted by a painting.]

Wh-what were you expecting, exactly?

[Seems like it got under his skin at least a little bit.]

Hmm. That doesn't have to be a bad thing.

[Though the phrasing certainly implies that it might be.]

Think of it as an insatiable thirst for curiosity and talent for problem-solving?

[You know, put a good spin on it. As for his question, she sighs, shaking her head as she props a hand against her hip.]

I'll probably regret saying this out loud, but I was expecting to have to fight something sooner rather than later. Hearing there's been a demon living above us? Doesn't exactly inspire confidence that there could be a peaceful mission ahead.

Mmm...

[It's a very non-committal hum. While it's nice of her to try and put a positive spin on it, Shuichi still can't help but see it as a bad thing. He'd like to be a reliable person...in general, not just when his talent is involved. But that's probably too much to ask of somebody as weak as he is.]

Ah, well...perhaps it's not as bad as the name "demon" would imply? I mean...it's probably been living up here for a while, hasn't it? And from the sound of things, this is the first time there's been any kind of incident.

[His tone makes it clear that he's just offering a suggestion based on evidence, rather than something he firmly believe. He could just as easily believe that the demon IS bad news and there's some other explanation for its silence until now. Maybe there was some kind of seal preventing it from doing so. That's how demons work, right?]

Or it could be that the demon is the type to work more from the shadows, so to speak. There's definitely something wrong with this train...have you been through the seating cars yet? Sitting down in the chairs makes you fall into an almost coma-like sleep. It may be that the demon would rather trap, delay, or enchant us, rather than fight us head-on.

[It would probably help some if she wasn't an almost absolute stranger, but she doesn't press the issue further. She, too, has had difficulty facing the things she doesn't like about herself, and it took a lot more than a reassurance or two to help her get over it.

Her frown pulls to one side, thoughtful.]

If that's the case, then letting ourselves get too caught up in any one of these cars is playing right into this thing's hands.

[If that is the way the demon wants to play, she has to say, it has the potential to be very effective.]

I walked through one of the seating cars, but I didn't stop. Still... seats luring people to sleep, paintings targeting people's insecurities— if the demon wants to delay our progress, then it's off to a good start.

[Great.]

Lunar Interlude 5 — Part 2

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