balance_logs | Field Mission 4, Etude in Blue, Part One

Entry tags:

Field Mission 4, Etude in Blue, Part One

	You're not leaving until you've got this shanty memorized
	NAVIGATION

Click here for the RNG thread!

1. ETUDE IN BLUE: WELCOME TO THE SEA OF FALLEN STARS

A. A WATERY LANDING

You'll be going down from the Moon Base via glass spheres, shot by the flight technician staff member Avi. As usual, each capsule can hold up to 4 people, although it does get increasingly uncomfortable the more people are crammed together. You're shot down to the planet in the most horrifying way possible, seeing the landscape violently change quickly and without remorse or guilt towards your possible motion sickness or uneasy feeling. The landing this time, is a canonball. All along the middle of the Sea of Fallen Stars, blips of orbs will be falling straight down into the water. From the Moon Base, Lucretia watches on as the majority of you land. It's quite a spectacle to see the splashes from this high up.

And once you're there, you're... kind of up a creek without a paddle. Without a propulsion or engine system to move your orb forward, you don't have a lot of choices here. If you're lucky, you might find a mercantile ship out in between voyages. If you're extremely unlucky, you're going to have to swim... or maybe you can pop the sphere hatch open and find something to paddle with. Be careful of the sharks? Definitely be careful of the sharks. Your destination? Lyrabar.

2. THE LAP OF LUXURY, THE DANGERS OF LYRABAR

B. THE CITY OF MERCHANTS' DREAMS

Let's get something out of the way first: Lyrabar is a gorgeous city — and when you step off the S.S. Codfather and onto the docks about a hundred yards from the edge of the city proper, you'll be treated to a clear view of the entire skyline: Ornate, twisting towers of marble, stone buildings and finely crafted wooden structures form the city into a neat semicircle, with the marketplace at its epicenter. At the far end of the city stands a castle, a nearly glittering, extravagant structure, a maze of hallways and towers that seems to be stretching high toward the other planes of existence themselves.

Lyrabar is on an entirely new level compared to Vista Virs, New Aspen, or even the comforts of the Moon Base itself. This is by far the most luxurious corner of Faerun that you've encountered yet — even the standard-level rooms you might find in an inn around Lyrabar are well maintained, the sheets are clean, and the food is delicious. The food, though! Pretty much anything you can think of is on the menu somewhere, and, no offense to an enduring and malfunctioning robot back on the base, but his cuisine chops can't even compare to what's on offer in Lyrabar.

If only the people of Lyrabar were nicer. Weren't so suspicious of anyone new who passes through those gates. There is a lot of gold passing through the city gates, after all.

And the pirates who are slowly overrunning the city are well aware of that.

C. THE HOBBY HORSE

A lot of you strong archetype Reclaimers, and even the ones who aren't, will probably eventually find your way to The Hobby Horse, a tavern that is absolutely just a tavern, if a bit more crude compared to the other watering holes nearby and around Lyrabar, and absolutely not a place where pirates higher up on the pecking order go for a bit of Jabba-the-Hut-lair entertainment. Of course it isn't. That would be silly!

In any case, maybe you've signed the waiver, paid your 20 GP, and had a go at The Death Cave — essentially a long hallway, leading from one ring to the next, with waves of aggressive monsters brought in from the ocean and beyond for you to fight through. And for some of you, those of you who have played a hand in reclaiming three Grand Relics at this point ... honestly, The Death Cave might seem a little too easy.

The man taking your payments and signed waivers, a man who goes only by Old Numbers, a gruff, bearded old fart who seems to be more battle scar than human, seems to have a solution for that. He leans forward over the counter, eyeing you near suspiciously.

"Oi ... if it's an actual challenge yer lookin' for, Old Numbers can whip you up somethin' more ... randomized. Y'seen those Sea Quartz around town, right? Those rainbow lookin' stars that the fancier folk keep grindin' up into shampoo. Bring me three of those, and I'll give you a fight worth yer chops."

True to his word, you pay Old Numbers three SQ, he'll have you sign another waiver (essentially, you're going to have to name a next of kin — someone who's fit and willing to drag your corpse out of The Death Cave, because Old Numbers here sure as hell isn't going to do it), then he'll draw a random placard from a stack of three and affix it next to the entrance of The Death Cave. The excited energy in the crowd is palpable. Now the real battling betting begins.

Your goal here isn't to defeat all the enemies: It's simply to make it to the final exit.

Here's what the placards mean (As a further warning, these are highly dangerous encounters! You signed a second waiver for a very good reason.):

○ Sword: In the final room of The Death Cave, you will be pitted against a swordsman who seems to have been taken in by some sort of Faerun equivalent of malevolent corruption — and boy, is he having the time of his life. He is extremely fast, his blade is freshly sharpened, and he will not hesitate to strike down anyone who was unfortunate enough to roll him, while laughing about it. He does have what you might consider an ultimate attack: Gathering up energy into his blade, he swings it, channeling said energy into one devastating plume of magic shot directly toward you. You're going to want to find a way to avoid it.

○ Bow and arrow: As you make your way through The Death Cave, you'll be pursued by the, uh. Boss of this round, a ranger whose accuracy with her bow and arrow is unrivaled. Assuming you make it to the final room without being arrow'd, you'll have to face her head-on, too. She is nimble, and now that you've reached the end, she is much less keen on missing. To make it past her, you will want to disarm her — which means closing the gap between the two of you as much as possible, to force a melee.

Wand: Woe to the Reclaimer who manages to roll the magic user course. When you step inside, you'll find that the entire cave is flooded at about knee height, meaning unless you can figure out a way across it, you'll be fighting while wading.

The Caster — sorry, I mean Wizard — at the end of the line specializes in ice and electric elemental spells. Have fun with that!

D. IN WHICH LITERALLY EVERYONE WANTS YOUR COIN

For those of you who have gold burning a hole in your pocket, the shopping available in Lyrabar is near endless. The marketplace, located at the center of the city, seems to sprawl on forever, with stalls, storefronts and eateries that seemingly cater to every fancy, whether it's fashion or weaponry. If it's souvenirs you're looking to take home, the most popular items are necklaces made out of those ever popular Sea Quartz, that are being used at The Hobby Horse and ground up into shampoo, and very sarcastic postcards: Think, "I visited Lyrabar and all I got was this crappily printed postcard" sort of sarcastic.

Generally, though, as long as the item is not magical, and as long as the tech is not more advanced than what you'd find on the Moon Base, you can probably find it at the Marketplace. If you're not sure about an idea, feel free to ask right here!

Some other things of note about what you'll find while shopping:

○ There are a lot of pickpockets. Maybe you shouldn't actually have a hole in your pockets. Even with the people of Lyrabar as distrusting of each other, and of you, as they are, those looking to pilfer a little extra cash off an unsuspecting visitor will find no shortage of targets. Perhaps you're one of them. Perhaps you're the sort willing to start a brawl in the middle of the Marketplace to get your most valued possessions back. Maybe, if you look close enough, you'll see that many have the same insignia branded on their arm. It seems, if you'd like to join in with, or infiltrate a pirate crew, this band of kleptos might be a good place to start off.

○ The Auction House is located on one of the far corners of the Marketplace. It's large, marble and a bit chilly inside, and the biddings start at around 6 p.m. each night, but it seems there's something ... a bit strange about the auctions themselves. That is to say, you'll have a seat one evening, and about halfway through selling off half of the evening's inventory, you'll watch them bring out the next item: like a pearl, or a particularly large and beautiful clamshell — nice enough trinkets, but nothing at all compared to the other goods that have hit the auction block so far.

And why are they starting the bidding at 1,000 GP? And why are the people around you actually enthusiastically going with it? Man, they can't be that blatant, can they?

E. JUSTICE

Maybe by this point you've had something valuable snatched from you, or you can't quite figure out how nobody's put a stop to some very clear money laundering happening at the Auction House, and you feel the need to serve up some serious justice to the pirates out there who have done you wrong. Who runs the justice joint around here, anyway?

That inquiry will lead you straight to the royal guard — the captain of which is going to groan in exhaustion/annoyance at you questions, or even your bid to help out. You think he hasn't heard that story before? The second a silver-tongued charlatan charms their way into the ranks of the royal guard, they're looking the other way while their visiting pirate friends rob the rest of us blind. He's got no time for this. If you want to truly help, you are going to have to prove it first.

And so, with that, you will find yourself immediately thrown into an undercover operation, one the captain doesn't mind doling out, because at the end of the day he loses nothing from it except for a few disguises. That's right: you'll be given a disguise, whether it's a smelly pile of peasant rags or, if he's feeling less charitable with his budget, a pair of these (look, it's not like he actually cares about your safety here), and a piece of paper with one or two names on it. Your mission? Bring these suspects back to the captain without causing a scene. Or, well, go ahead and cause a scene. He has little shits to give, remember?

Pull this off, though, and consider a private audience with the one member of the royal family who still keeps an audience nowadays, Princess Irene, secured.

Back to top

3. OUT ON THE OPEN SEA

F. CONGRATULATIONS, YOU'RE THE NEW OWNER OF A YACHT

Whether you've had your fill of luxury, bar fights, enforcing the long arm of the law in town, or just gorging out on incredibly tasty food, eventually you'll recall that Lucretia had actually sent you down here with a purpose. She asked everyone to find a way to obtain a ship- one that isn't the S.S. Codfather (thank you very much, Sans!)- as the investigation into the Grand Relic can only get so far within the streets of Lyrabar. To that end, there are a number of options and opportunities for you to obtain such a vessel.

○ Steal it. This is how pirating works in a place like this. You find something, you take it, and you put a nice new flag on it to make it yours. Of course, there are some complications with that. Get caught, and you're going straight to nautical prison- don't pass the Hobby Horse, don't collect $200. But the docks district of this port town is known to be rather quiet at night, when the merchant fleets are out swindling cash at the bar, drinking themselves blind, or maybe just settling home with their family after an honest day's work. There are hired guards keeping watch, but it shouldn't be that difficult to incapacitate them. When they wake up in the morning, they'll assume what it always is around here. Someone forgot to pay the red tithe.

○ Buy it. There's always the option of offering something in exchange for a rowboat. Maybe you've come across a bountifully magical item that you want to dispose of at the auction house, or maybe there's a collector out there who's willing to make a fair trade. Renting them doesn't seem to be that much an issue either; transport around the region is always done by boat. Just know that you're going to have to put a down payment and collateral down. You also... run the risk of running into some unscrupulous merchants who are working with the pirates on the down low. Be careful not to get swindled out of everything you own, only to walk up to a tiny rowboat.

○ Mutineer it. You could find some work on boats, but it's mainly hard labor. You'll be loading the ship up for transport, and taking a trip across the Sea of Fallen stars to destinations at other major port cities. You might not need to know that some of these ships are exchanging some rather questionable goods to get the hint that there's a fair share misconduct going on around the sea. Time to throw the captain overboard and take command of your own dreamliner.

○ Other. Well, depending on how crafty you are, there are a number of ways to get a hold of a boat. These were just some guiding ideas, but we think you'll find a way. You always do.

G. 20,000 LEAGUES UNDER THE SEA

There's some adventuring to do out in the open sea, and treasures both vast and mighty. It's not entirely uncommon to find islands dotted along the landscape, and those are particularly good for docking and getting a sense of what's gone down around here since Captain Ferryn's taken command of the high seas. You might've gotten the sense that loose lips really do sink ships- that evidence is coming up pretty bill in your search for actual piracy going on around here. The good captain is incredibly skillful at both deception and infiltration, and with the Soul Blade helping him, there's almost nothing stopping him from completely dominating the entire sea and crowning himself the new royal in town. Mum's the word around these parts, so you're going to have to do some exploration. Pop some of those shrimp chips and head down to explore the underwater depths of the seabed.

There are an unbelievable amount of ships that have been wrecked and forgotten under the violent chops of the aquatic basin. With a few hours' search, you're incredibly likely to find one, waiting for you to go down and pluck whatever's down there. Be careful, however, since The Drowned are fiercely protective of their death locales. Fight through them and live to the tell the tale, and you'll come back graciously rewarded.

Many of the ships seem to have crates still on them- all with the official royal seal of Lyrabar stamped plainly on their lid. When popped open, you'll notice there's an abundance of sea quartz- the gems that are used to constantly provide a source of energy to the town. Hard to tell why pirates wouldn't be interested in that, when the trade is absurdly lucrative.

You'll also find areas where ships aren't present. Instead, you might come across entire fields of sea quartz. But in their current state, they're pretty useless and look like the trinkets you might have found on the streets of Lyrabar. Devoid of any magical energies, they lay deep on the ocean floor, a nuisance and an eyesore to nature. You'll also notice that natural enemies like sharks and Sahuagin steer clear of these areas, for better or for worse.

Good luck down there, and make sure you have a buddy system set up. Getting a glass sphere down into the water is near impossible, but Dr. Tank is on board the S.S. Codfather for emergencies.

H. NOBODY KNOWS THE TROUBLES I'VE SEEN

Know that the sea is not calm in temperament or safety. There are things to be weary of at every step of the way, and it's best to ensure that you have a good, seasoned crew to man your boat in order to keep you passing through safe waters. While you're out there, though, danger truly does lurk around every corner.

Pirates, for one, are particularly good at various ways of warfare. Many of them don't even look or appear to be like the ones you might have heard of in stories or experienced elsewhere. Some even fly under the banner of Lyrabar, cruising safely without notice by anyone that would be wise to what they're up to. Sail out for too long without a purpose or linger in an area too long, and a ship will approach, lining up side by side with you. They'll tell you that they're part of the Royal Navy, and hell, they might even be wearing the garb of the official uniformed ranks, and when they announce they're here for usual inspection, they'll request to board your ship. Protocol, you see, because of the rampant acts of piracy out in the open waters. Refusing might make you look more suspicious, but letting them on board as inspectors and tax adjudicators can be equally dangerous. Some of them are legit, and some of them will look to take command of your ship and leave you out in the ocean to drown. You're going to have to be cunning to figure out which one is which.

Storms rage all over the Sea of Fallen Stars. With the encroachment of the warmer months ahead, the weather itself battles for its rightful claim to the area. The signs of a storm coming are easy enough to spot, and they're frequent. Some will last 2-3 days and make travel nearly impossible. Getting out of the water is an important step in keeping your crew safe; and spending a night on an island or in a grotto is always better than running the risk of joining the armies of The Drowned below.

Maelstroms are an equal threat of immense dread. If you happen to see a swirling vortex of water, start heading in the opposite direction immediately. There's a certain magnetic pull that they have, and once you've been caught in the outer rings, it's going to take a lot of teamwork to get yourselves out. Good thing you've had a month to build upon that, or else you might be toast. For those of you who are highly less fortunate, you'll notice yourselves getting sucked in, closer, and closer. You can look over the epicenter and- good god, is that a tentacle!? What is that thing!?

The Prespuran Triangle also poses a major issue while traveling across the sea. Legend has it that if you sail too close to its navigable coordinates, your ship will vanish and you'll never be heard from again. It might seem like a wives' tale, but it's absolutely true. Come too close to it and you'll notice your compass begin to spin out like there's no tomorrow. Continue inward, and, well. You'll see something, alright. It's a tower that stretches into the sky, tall and unwavering. And also, completely impregnable and without doors. You're going to have to get yourself out of there somehow, and for your sake, let's hope you know the exact coordinates you came in through or else... you mind wind up on a completely different side of the world.

Last but not least, the pirates aren't the only ones looking to hop aboard your newly crowned baby. Don't forget about the Sahuagins, either. They seem to attack only during the dead of night, when the moon is ripe and full in the sky. They bring with them charming magics and are particularly good at getting people to willfully walk over the edge themselves, without even drawing a blade.

Back to top

4. OOC

This is your story to write, and your setting to play with! Anything on the OOC post is fair game, and if there's something you'd like to try, please don't hesitate to let us know on the RNG thread.

But most importantly, Reclaimers, be amazing.

Back to top

blurb code by photosynthesis

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

[ It's mostly the Everything Else that's a problem. And there is one word in there that makes him consider further punishment, but that was still an apology. An absolute sulk unit apology, but he'll take it. The left hand moves from its previous threatening hover to grab their cloak to help yank them back upright. ]

Very good. I hope the rest of your day goes well, gentlemen. [ And then Lion is spun around and marched away. Shopkeeper Zwei almost immediately bursts into hyena cackles, with Shopkeep One following in more horrified/shocked giggles. Again, Zwei is his personal favorite. It's only when Lion is carted off the main street to somewhere in private that they're set free. Even if he is very blatantly on-guard for follow-up punishments, arms crossed in the universal 'try it, brat' scolding posture.

But before that begins. Gotta fix that One Fear. ]

'Again'?

[ If they weren't already burning with embarrassment before, they definitely are after being dragged away with such delightful laughter ringing in their ears. They got the point already, sheesh, he doesn't need to drag it out to such a painful extent.

Naturally, the cloak is the first thing fixed once set free. They're mid-way through fussing with their hair when the question (ultimatum, more like) is thrown their way. ]

... Like the toothpaste? [ Which, they still stand by it being a good deal, but they are aware that he blatantly thought it was stupid. ] It... I thought it was like that.

[ He knows how Lion works; it's the same way he does. Yelling and scolding does nothing, but embarrassment? Lesson learned. Immediately. Either way, the returned question isn't the answer he wanted, but at the same time? It's an Answer. The heavy breath out is some level of relief. ]

No. Toothpaste actually has a use.

[

Wait.

Wait.

Was that just retroactively conceding a point? What- ]

You know half of 'em are scam fronts, right?

[ He's a menace and an awful person who needs to stop knowing their heart so completely. (No, actually, keep doing that-)

But oh, are they torn. On one hand, the toothpaste thing can finally die, they can finally move on, and it won't be thrown in their face every time they make a bad decision. On the other- ]

... Well, yes? [ In other news, the sky is blue. ] But that doesn't mean they're not worth investigating anyway.

[ ... Oh Lion. But they've got that look again, like he's just started complaining about talking to bad pencil sketches masquerading as people. Or saying that an old man cheated on his wife. Nbd. ]

But what does that have to do with whether or not I bought shampoo?

[ Don't worry, Lion. There are still plenty of ways he can dunk you into the abyss. ]

Investigating? Sure. ...But buying their wares?

[ And he hates that look. So much. They even get the vague one shoulder motion of like when someone tries to do the kanyeshrug meme, but doesn't even care enough to do the kanye part. Or most of the shrug. Just the 'sh'.

But the question is a valid one, even if it's annoying somehow. It's just quartz, what's the big deal, but any time it's mentioned there's this instinctive Hatred of it. Not quite 'hatred', but definitely past annoyance and anger, so that has to be hatred? He knows how his anger works. It's not this weird distant Something that feels like when someone walks up to him and starts slagging off about how much they've sinned this we-

Ah. ]

I... think it's poisonous?

I thought we already established that I was just window shopping?

[ And that's the end of that part of the conversation, because um.

One second. They need to process this properly.

Okay done- ] What do you mean you 'think' it's poisonous?? That's- that's not exactly an either-or situation.

Edited 2019-06-12 12:52 (UTC)

Window shopping, huh. Let me try my Lion impersonation. "Oooh, this calligraphy pen has a beautiful gold pattern around it, but if I buy it I won't be able to afford that coral hairbrush. Oh dear, but that place cells proper silk shirts. I need to run back and forth between the stalls to see which one is cheapest so I can justify to myself that I must blow this month's salary on it."

[ This is, as you can imagine, entirely deadpanned. It also means the latter part is outright ignored in favor of

ing them not only on main, but also across the entirety of Twitter. ]

[ Yeah no they take it back, he's banned from observing their heart forever. ]

That's- I- you're dodging the question!!

[ Says the person aggressively dodging a callout that was entirely too accurate for his own good. Because when their only defence is "hey, I wouldn't buy any of those, mostly because I'm too broke", they're occasionally quick enough on the uptake to keep it to themself. Nothing good would come of it.

As before: banned forever, if they were roommates he'd be on the couch. But they're not and he's not, so instead he gets a wonderfully huffy brat instead. ]

And besides, I'm-- trying to get better about it. That's why I was just looking.

[ Or. Mostly dodging it. Huffffff. ]

Point.

[ It's worth way more than one point if he was gonna be sent to the couch, but look how merciful he is. Taking only one point. Qualify for sainthood with an act like that. Unfortunately, this only one of the two types of callouts Will is capable of. The first: conscious murder by trolling. The second: being completely unaware of the shit coming out of his mouth. ]

Next time use that notebook you hide in your coat to write it down. S'there to organize thoughts like that, right?

[ Oof, he's feeling mean today. They don't spare a thought for how he knows about the second, smaller notebook - it's Will, of course he does - and instead launch right into the obligatory returning fire. ]

There's a difference between writing it down and consciously thinking about it.

[ Wait, was that a self dunk? Ffff- ]

And that's still dodging the question. [ They're so proud but, really, Will. ] How can shampoo be poisonous?

[ There is absolutely no way this won't end in him being obnoxiously technical about the question to continue dodging actually needing to answer it. They know this, and they hate it. ]

[ Today is a very strange day. There are many reasons for this. The narrative will leave that for the other side to replay via long prose because it's feeling lazy today.

Either way, Lion's wrong. There's a long pause at the question, running through ways to answer the question but eternally coming up short. And he hates it. It's even the point where he stops paying attention to his weird tics, one hand immediately going to mess with his hair like there are ants in it. At least His Commandments were obvious. Easily translatable klaxons - oh that person just took His name in vain, go shout at them. Or hey that's someone using powers beyond their ken, go cut their heads off. At the same time, he can look back and say it's only obvious because he's been attuned to that ruleset for so long. Silvanus feels the same in so many ways, but different in all the ways that matter.

One of them being understanding half the shit he's going on about. Come on, he has the rules memorized, but what the hell does that stupid bottle have to do with it?

Nothing.

Dammit. ]

...I don't know. Think it's getting lost in translation.

Edited 2019-06-14 09:33 (UTC)

[ It's been a very strange day. It's also been a very strange week, month, and half a year, so it takes a lot for any new strangeness to be properly noticed amidst the background radiation of Weird that their life now consists of. But he manages to stand out all the same, irregardless of whatever did or did not happen earlier.

Not immediately waving them off with another vague semantic is telling. As is the absentminded fussing, even if it's kind of adorable- okay no, if they get sidetracked it'll just result in disaster, so focus on something else. Like the fact that they still have the shampoo in question, maybe? It's worth a try.

So while he wrestles with whatever chunk of information is presumably locked away in his head, they tug that damnable bottle out of their casual bag to see if it offers any ideas of it's own. There's meant to be warning labels or something if it contains something potentially dangerous, right? Otherwise you get sued by rich people with too much free time and not enough sense.

Or something like that, anyway. Ahem. ]

It seems like an odd thing to need translating. [ Though that'd probably be it. Don't things like this usually use long and overly complicated names to disguise what the dangerous thing is, like... oh, something? ] I can't... see anything though.

[ That's not it, and they know it, though they don't know what they know. Another tiny piece of a really, really confusing puzzle that they're stubbornly refusing to poke at today. Or right now, anyway. Maybe later. ]

[ At least Lion does the one thing that helps: that fucking shampoo. Even now what rises above everything else is Don't Use It. It's Dangerous. He's still lost in his thoughts throwing prayer-shaped darts into a void, and then evolving into throwing insults and swears into the void, but both eyes immediately dart up to the glare at the shampoo like it had a black tail with a blue ribbon on it.

Is it because he's thinking on it too hard? Or he's being made to do the legwork without any indication of what he wants, because it's hilarious to watch your furniture bump into walls. Probably that one. Gods are predictable. Any commentary? Anything?

...Nope.

Fine then. Two can play that game. ]

Repeat the ingredients.

[ It's a pity that Lion misses the glare entirely, because that would at least give them a clue as to why this is such a big deal. Except then they'd worry too much and... actually, yeah, best not.

But after rotating the bottle a few times, and squinting unhelpfully trying to find the label, they eventually start. ]

Let's see... there doesn't appear to be that many, actually, although I can't say I recognise the language.

[ And, because they know what the followup would be to that without even blinking, they fuss with their Bracer to turn the translator off. Thanks, Ryuji. ]

《'Frumentum amulum', 'vicus mare', 'fullonum'... I'm not even going to attempt that one. 'Aqua' seems obvious enough.》

[ Please stop them. Please. ]

[ He has infinite patience and love for them and is also a translator of most human languages, so hearing the ingredients read off immediately flicks on the mental processor. Which immediately has to pause and do a double-take since it's obviously google translated, but it can work with this.

Corn starch.
Sea quartz.
Soap.

Oh no.

Lion is immediately treated to the sight of him burying his face in one hand with a hissed inhale like he got stabbed. It's because he did. Lion. LION. ]

No. Shut- stop. Please stop. Don't buy anything from here ever again.

[ This is the downside to Lion being a wonderful, compassionate, and unfortunately incredibly trusting soul, Will.

For all their tutelage and book smarts, for all the knowledge required to become the miraculous Successor, not a single fragment of it gave them a frame of reference for this. Turns out that all you have to do is add something vaguely occultish to the mix, or be something that everyone around them seemingly treats as utterly commonplace, and it just becomes perfectly normal. Totally fine. This was the tragedy of the Ushiromiya family all along.

Which is to say- they switch the translator back, and boggle at these shenanigans. ]

... Did I pronounce it wrong?

[ The wheezing is a bit concerning. ]

Edited 2019-06-14 15:52 (UTC)

[ Oh, Lion. Precious Lion. He's so concerned.

But he's effectively on guardian duty, and also that's his Partner, and also the most important mortal on the planet worth the disposal of everyone and thing else for their safety. That means he will do what must be done. ]

You bought dish soap and water. With crushed rocks in it.

[ Oh, that's... That's worse.

For a long moment, Lion says nothing. They just stare thoughtfully at the offending shampoo bottle as they carefully consider everything that just happened. ]

I see.

[ And then, with all the calm and poise and nobility they can muster, they spin on their heel and yeet the cursed thing further down the alleyway, before practically nuking it from orbit with an uncomfortably bright ball of radiant goodness. ]

Moving on, then.

[ Um. ]

[ A few passer-by have a moment of freezing in horror and watching this, a few skitter away, but who cares. Will has this internal 'WAIT NO-' at the thought of Lion just throwing it, but it immediately fizzles to nothing the instant the Sacred Flame starts. Then all that's left is the warm feeling left in the wake of Lion showing off how angry they can get when given good reason. What a perfect person.

Happy now?

A single breeze, then nothing.

... Well, he'll take it as a yes. ]

No murders in daylight, dear.

I have absolutely no idea what you're talking about.

[ See, even Will's new cosmic BFF agrees. Their problem solving skills are flawless. ]

It only counts as murder if you don't have 'justification, or valid cause'. This is just disposing of something undesirable.

[ A-at least most of the passersby bolted the second the bottle went flying? ]

[ Oh. Playing that game. ]

Ah, we're swapping roles. Got it.

[ This makes Lion the Him who is says something really short-sighted and rude and making jokes about corpses. It also means Lion has two seconds to realize they fucked up. ]

Jokes like that are uncouth, Successor.

[ -wait, no. ]

No we're not.

[ Yeah they absolutely already leapt out of the way the second he mentioned swapping roles. Nope nope nope. ]

You- you just finished telling me that it was practically poison! I couldn't very well throw it out.

[ Here's the catch 22. They know how this works, in which such an excuse would absolutely not fly and dodging only makes the inevitable followup worse. But also they're right so??? Worth it. ]

[ little peench

Someday, Lion will learn that them reacting so strongly to anything - up to and including turning shampoo bottles into flash bombs - effective mentally turns him into a swooning victorian woman. He loves it when they show up how strong their sense of justice has gotten.

Thankfully today is not that day, otherwise Lion would have learned the lifehack to Getting Away With Their Shit. ]

You could have. Woulda' made you an ass, though.

[ That's too much power to put in their hands. Way too much power. Sure, they'd learn how to act on their emotions with more consistency, but the sheer cost in lives and other assorted damages wouldn't be worth it.

Plus it's funnier when it's random. Like now, where they're caught somewhere between "righteous, embarrassed anger" and "the bafflement that comes from hearing a passerby claim that the moon doesn't exist". ]

... No? That doesn't stop it from being a problem, it only forces it onto someone else. [ Which is incredibly rude and, as he so succinctly put it, would make them an ass. So. No. ] And buying it was my mistake to begin with.

[ See the narration could do something long and poetic here but sometimes? Sometimes you need short and simple to get across the true, most distilled horror of any given situation. So we're gonna go with that. ]

How much was it?

(no subject)

dialetheism - 2019-06-16 16:48 (UTC) - Expand

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only