Lunar Interlude 4 — corporate retreat

[balancemod]

I have a feeling that you'll find the next few weeks a little... in-tents. NAVIGATION 1. NEW RECLAIMERS A. WELCOME WAGON For those of you who will be arriving today, the story is the same: though you may not remember it, there was a moment where you were living out your life, at home or wherever you were ... and then there was the moment the Hunger came. And amid the television static that is your memory of that moment, a hand reached out to you, beckoning your escape as the tendrils of darkness destroyed everything that ever existed about your world. "Would you hurry this up, please? Your world no longer stands a chance. Come with me, we are the last bastions of hope for all universes everywhere. And we're going to need you." And then, unceremoniously, you are dragged through the universal wringer and plopped down on the soft, though not quite cushioned, grass of the Moon Base Quad. You're not alone, either. Along with the newest members of the Bureau, in a fashion probably not unlike this, there are people waiting here for you. People who wanted to see the heroes the Director has managed to bring in this time. People who are excited to see what you're capable of. You have a few minutes to talk with each other — or maybe lob a few questions at the impromptu welcoming committee, or any of the older Reclaimers who may happen to be nearby. But before long, you're whisked away to a different area of the Moon Base. B. THE VOIDFISH You are quickly divided into four groups, and brought to the easternmost geodesic dome, to an elevator in a well maintained, but sparsely landscaped field. There's nothing particularly ominous feeling about the space — in fact, the two guards who greet you at the elevator entrance seem pleased with your arrival. You are, after all, one of the few chosen by the Director, the few who will reclaim what the Hunger has destroyed. And in a few moments, you're about to find that out for yourself. After a tightly packed elevator ride, your group is ushered out to a rather grand looking hall, banners of the Bureau of Balance adorn both sides of smooth metal walls. And inside the Voidfish's chamber stands a tank — impossibly tall, and soaked in a black ink that obscures whatever the tank may be holding. You may notice a melody, someone playing the violin. It's a bard, on his fourth round of introducing Reclaimers to the Voidfish. When he's finished, he pulls out a few pieces of paper — sheet music — opens a drawer at the bottom of the tank, drops the papers in, and shuts it. And swiftly, you feel as if there's something you can't just shake off about the melody you just heard. If you seem alarmed, the bard takes notice of it. "Yeah, man, like... don't think too hard about it, it's like that every time. I'm guessing you're here to be inoculated? Just a heads up, you might want to, like, seriously, hold your nose while you drink it down. It tastes wicked gross, man." You sort of get the sense that he's said this speech once or twice in the past. It's well rehearsed, much like the stories you'd expect a bard to be able to recite. "Anyway, I'm supposed to tell you that you have a choice. If you drink the black stuff, you'll be able to hear through the, uh... Huh, how do I describe it? Through the [TSHCSCHTSHCHSC] sound. You guys like, hear that? Anyway, it's all about knowledge or something. I don't know, I'm just here to, like, feed the thing. We call it the [TSCHHSCHSCH], by the way. So, like. You get a choice. You can drink it and understand stuff, or not drink it and then hear that crackling noise all day every day. If I were you, I'd drink it. But, hey man, I'm not like, your dad or anything." The bard takes five cups and draws liquid from a spigot connected directly to the basin of the large tank. Stormy, muddy looking ichor is drawn into them, one by one. He offers each of you a sip. Drink it (he wasn't kidding about what it tasted like), and you're inoculated to the wisdom of the Voidfish. You try to remember the song this bard played a few moments ago and the melody, the meter, every octave, all come back to you. And if you think back to your arrival, some of the things you may have heard other people in the Quad say, that simply sounded like static, are suddenly clear. Bureau of Balance. Grand Relic. Reclaimers. Yet you still can't remember the Hunger or what it had done to your world. And as you look back to the tank in front of you, the water has become clear. There's a jellyfish, as tall as a building, floating within. You look into the body of the creature and you can almost make out a beautiful, tiny universe floating within it. 2. TEST OF INITIATION You're given approximately 48 hours to sign up for the test of initiation. Outside the Arena is a command console where you can push your biometric signature up against the device, pick a time, and get prepare to take your entrance exam. This one is a little different than the ones before it; the Director has posed a group challenge among her hopeful Reclaimers. One slot contains blank names for four people altogether. Two of them are backlit in a blue background, two in red. It looks like you're going to be competing against other Reclaimers. At the appointed time, you'll enter the arena's chambers and fill out into one of two rooms. You and your teammate will be allowed to dress and prepare accordingly. From the window, you can see a single, solitary mountain that rises so high you can barely make odds or ends of the peak. An array of items stands before you, four in total. You can only choose two, as the second both of you claim one item, the other two become translucent and untouchable. Placing either of your items back on their pedestals makes them corporeal again. All in all, you have: ○ Booster boots - aids you in climbing and scaling the mountain, quadrupling your jump speed ○ Spiked boots - when landing on a surface of the mountain, it magically locks into place and prevents you from falling or being otherwise deterred in moving upward ○ An enchanted cloth - you're not sure what this is capable of, but if you try it out a little bit, you'll realize it resists the push of air. Essentially, a portable hang glider ○ Grappling hook - standard issue, its reach is about 50 feet. When it locks onto a surface, it's impossible to remove unless a button is pressed on the device to loosen it Both of your teams must make it to the top. What awaits you there is a wand, standing on an intricately carved, raised dais. The base is made out of stone, but written in very clear, etched letters around the bottom are the words: THE GRAND RELIC, WAND OF PLANAR DISPLACEMENT. Does it sound too good to be true? Maybe it does, maybe it doesn't. You need to get that relic back down to the entrance room. The caveat here is if you happen to be tempted, and let's face it, the easy way out is always rather appealing, you can try to use it. It'll take you back down, easily enough, but the wand will not come with you. Looks like you're going to have to trek your way back up there. Either way, the first team to make it down wins the contest. What's the prize, you ask? Gloating rights, mostly. 3. THE REAL CAMPY FUN BEGINS As The Director mentioned, you will be spending this month on a corporate retreat! And she wasn't kidding when she said she said this retreat will be an exercise in working together. Shortly after the newest Reclaimers are all good and initiated, and shortly after the rest of you have packed what you can, you're all whisked away to Gwynneth — a beautifully lush forest on the Moonshae Isles. Blanketed in a canopy of lush greens and soft, comfortable grass that seems to grow even in the farthest corners where the light can't reach, the forest looks and feels like something out of a storybook. A peculiar, but not unpleasant, scent that is a blend of sweet olives and cherry blossoms wafts throughout the forest no matter where you turn. That is to say, for those of you who have been in the Bureau for the while, and are used to roughing it with your BIAS: Welcome! This should be roughly old hat for some of you. Not far from the clearing where you all land are two perfectly lined rows of cabins that are in particularly bad shape. On the door frame of each will contain some information... and you might have guessed it. "BARBARIANS," "FIGHTERS," "PALADINS," "DANCERS," "MONKS," "RANGERS & ROGUES," "BARDS," "SORCERERS," "WARLOCKS," "DRUIDS," "CLERICS," and "SMART PEOPLE." - you get the idea. Each cabin will have just the essentials (creaky bunk beds, chests at the foot of each, and a few spare desks per room). Rest assured, the Director's enchanted the cabins to reject entry to anyone who doesn't fit the proper description that's labeled above each door. You will... most likely have to clean the place up prior to habitation. Showering, toilets, and mirrors are communal, but divided into stalls in the administrative cabin, adjunct to the Bureau's cabin. And for those of you who don't fit into any of the above (hi Lucas), uh, well. There's an old shack close to where you were dropped off, but you probably don't want to stay inside for too long. It smells like something died in there — and maybe something did. And boy, does this whole trip have "campy corporate retreat" written all over it. When you arrive, you're informed that your "mission" here, so to speak, is to safely make it through the month's activities, including the penultimate task: Braving what staff is only referring to as the Tomb of Horrors. But we'll get to that later. Right now, you've got some camping activities to do. C. GET IN LOSERS WE'RE GOING CAMPING If there's a camp activity that you can think of, we guarantee that there is space set aside for it, and that a Bureau member The Director brought along to assist the Reclaimers is helping to run it. Here are a few of the more prominent activities to get you started, however: ○ Fight Club/Struggle Tourney/Whatever you want to call it: For those of you who are in clear need of more training, or simply like getting yourself into a good strife, a small arena has been squared and roped off for your said strifing convenience. You can sign up in pairs or go mano a mano against one opponent, but there's a catch. This activity is about improvising, and learning your fellow Reclaimers' fighting styles — an absolute must for when you're out on the field in the thick of a battle. You will only be allowed to use fighting ring issued weapons. A magical barrier will knock your regular weapon right out of your hands if you try to enter the ring with it! And, I mean. Who wouldn't want to fight with these Fantasy Costco exclusives? (Note: If you want to join an actual Fight Club, the magic barrier is down for two hours starting at midnight. Use that information how you will.) ○ Arts and Crafts: Another camping given. Stretched out between two large evergreens is an equally large canvas, though short enough that every Reclaimer should be able to reach. You'll be given a paintbrush — magic, of course, according to the Bureau member helping out with this activity. It magically fills itself with paint, allowing you to add color to the canvas without the need for a palette. Because curiously, it seems you're capable of painting in only one color. And more curiously, it's a color that's very unique to you: no other Reclaimer is going to have the same hex value as what's flowing out of your paintbrush. If you ask her, the Bureau member will smile somewhat pensively, and explain: That paintbrush allows you to paint in the color of whatever energy you're giving off right now. Take this with a grain of salt, of course, but the basic hues can be interpreted as follows: Red can mean that you have a problem that you need to solve. Yellow means there's a secret that you're keeping from someone important to you. Green elicits a feeling of calmness, but there's something else that you're not allowing yourself to address. Blue means there's something you need to confess, whether it's the fact that you have a crush on someone, or the fact that you stole something or told a lie. White means, simply, an energy at peace. Of course, you may find yourself painting in any color out there — and they may represent something else, depending on you specifically. Use this prompt however you'd like! And, that's not to say that these are all things that we need to sit down around the campfire and hash out — though that's an activity later on if you want it! These energies aren't necessarily a bad thing either. It wouldn't be much of a painting, you wouldn't be the person you've grown into right now, if you're always painting in white. ○ Ghost stories: Speaking of campfires, every night, you'll be invited to have a seat at a large campfire and to try to tell your best ghost story. Not too far away from the campfire are four busts of wizardly looking men and women on pedestals. Yes, they are haunted by the very same wizardly looking men and women. And yes, they will be offering frank commentary on whatever story you decide to tell. I'm just gonna leave this here. ○ Field Day: What's a camping trip without the likes of potato sack races, music, tye-dye booths like you'd find at the typical spring fair, and friendly games of capture the flag? If you find this whole field day thing a little bit childish, then, well ... yeah, you're probably right! But even stuffy old people like Lucretia know that the people even stuffier than she is need a chance to cut loose once in a while. So go right ahead and get yourself a fried charisma oreo. There's a dunking booth, by the way. Yes, you can dunk the Director if you want. You might bump into Lucas while you're here. He is having pretty much the worst month right now: sunburned, blown up on histamines and more than ready to go back to the Moon Base where there's air conditioning and technology. ○ Man eff that: If the campy camp activities are a bit too campy for you, then The Director certainly isn't going to twist your arm into participating. Well, actually, she might. A little? In any case, if you're hellbent on boycotting, you might join Lucas in the aforementioned Smelly Shack, as he tinkers with the tech he managed to bring with him and is generally a pain in the ass about having to be out in the forest. Saru and his band of kitsune, if you remember them from Vista Virs, now full-fledged members of the Bureau, will take you on hunting trips if you're interested. If you need to actually learn how to hunt, then Carey and Killian are here to help. If you're still gonna be a stick in the corporate retreat mud, then the Director might ask you to clear as big of a path to the Tomb of Horrors as possible (Note: You will not be able to go inside, or find a way inside the Tomb of Horrors, no matter how hard you try. This isn't Breath of the Wild, sadly, you can't defeat Ganon right after falling off the Great Plateau). It's about five miles directly to the east, and behind the thickest and densest part of the forest. Who knows what else you'll find out there? Have fun! D. AN OVERNIGHT SENSATION One more thing. Something strange is happening overnight, while everyone is asleep, whether it's in their bedrolls, or holed up in the Smelly Shack. Something — or someone seems to be draping a blanket of magic over the entire camp, leaving those who were asleep rather susceptible to it. You may find yourself afflicted with any number of inconvenient status effects for the day, whether it's a burn on your arm you can't seem to heal, more, uh. Well. More sleep. You blink, and suddenly, 24 hours have passed. Maybe you enter a 2v2 in the fighting ring and suddenly realize you can't tell friend from foe — even though you'd agreed on the teams before entering. Maybe all the food suddenly loses its flavor, leaving you to marvel at how intense textures suddenly are. If you happened to be painting in blue, maybe you're suddenly compelled to blurt it out to the next unfortunate soul who passes. It's a smorgasbord of minor inconveniences. Almost like something's spotted the corporate retreat, and has decided to use its participants as their plaything. But what? blurb code by photosynthesis

Comments

kinda suicidal stuff

[splinten]

[Oh. Somewhere in the middle of that, Dirk realizes he should sit up too. So he does, staring at Dave as Dave says... so many words. Dirk understands all of them on a literal level, but so many of them feel contextually foreign that he doesn't think he can process them on a broader level.]

Oh.

[Eloquent. He wants to reply to the joke but that's difficult so what he says stupidly is,]

I've always kind of wanted to break out of jail?

[uh]

I don't know. It always seemed like a fun thing to do.

[So it's back to an ordinary level of sounding stupid, Dirk guesses. He still hasn't processed what Dave is saying, exactly. It feels unfair to say, "Hey, I have no will to live, but I think you might be uniquely positioned to help me find some kind of motivation to dodge a pixellated abdication from existence. Do you think you could keep saying I might have some level of utility to you until I stop wanting to die?" Unfair, and also stupid and crazy.

So a comment about jailbreak goals it is.]

[oculusriffs]

.... I dunno why, but that's like. The least surprising thing you've said to me all day.

[which would mean that "I'm Dirk" was apparently more surprising. it's very small, but as he pulls himself back to his feet, there's at least some tiny hint of amusement there. maybe it's somewhere in that last sentence. maybe it's in the way he carries it in his shoulders.]

[he'd probably agree to be a motivator by way of simply existing, too, if it were asked of him, but that agreement goes unsaid, too. Dave knows how much he tends to internalize things, and it's not that difficult to draw the same conclusions about Dirk, considering he kind of just. went and made it all external anyway. but yeah, all right. he'll be the grand relic sitting at the top of the mountain, something to help pull Dirk of the giant pit he's in right now.]

[Dave sort of looks like he wants to offer Dirk some help up. he pauses, second guessing himself.]

You, uh. You want a hand?

[splinten]

My name was more surprising?

[Did alternate universe him not give his name? Whatever. He thinks, maybe, that he reads a hint of amusement on Dave's face. It isn't like Dirk didn't spend so much of his early life trying to read the wealth of human experience on the face of another version of Dave, trying to attune himself to his hero from the distance of four hundred years.

Amusement would be nice. He'd like to think it's there.

He knows what he's supposed to say. He doesn't need anyone's help getting up. He's fine. He's always fine. He's cool, even, and a Strider knows how to pick himself back up off the ground no matter how many times he gets knocked down.

Dirk instead replies,]

If... that's cool? Sure.

[There's more hesitation to the hand he holds out than he wants there to be. But he still holds it out to let himself be helped.]

[oculusriffs]

[there's a question for the ages. maybe he did? maybe he didn't? maybe Bro was so wrapped up in his ninja-bro code that he never allowed Dave the chance to learn his real name. it's anybody's guess, really.]

[just like it's anybody's guess whether two Striders will really figure out this cool business, while simultaneously being the uncoolest duo on the entire Moon Base. but Dirk is asking him for help, and regardless of his own feelings on whether he's capable of giving it, Dave is, after all, a knight turned paladin. and he will always be protective over people he cares about — in Dirk's case, they aren't on brother terms, there's something of a rift between them and they need to both contribute to bridging that gap, but he'd like to try. and right now, that, and caring in general, are the same thing. he'll try his best to protect Dirk's heart, too.]

[Dave takes Dirk's hand, not quite as confident as he could be, but firm enough all the same, and pulls him to his feet.]

[splinten]

[There's a moment where Dirk just stands there, processing the situation. And then it's like a flipped switch: his posture shifts from listless to ready, and his focus behind his shades zeroes in on the objects.]

Okay. So this'd be a breeze if we could actually fly, but whatever, not like we fuckin' died to get that power. Speed isn't exactly our main goal here at this point, but it's our best stat and I don't really want to be here any longer than I have to be. If we combine the booster boots with the grappling hook, one of us can grab one end of the grapping hook and take the speed boost to our flashstepping to get ahead. Every fifty meters, whoever's got the boots can anchor the grappling hook and help pull the other up.

[It's rattled off with a practical montone, but when he finishes he glances over towards Dave. Maybe it's the small age difference, or maybe it's ectobiological instinct. But Dirk is looking to Dave for approval of his ideas.]

[oculusriffs]

[there’s a minute’s pause while he parses that plan, but after a while, he nods. “practical” for Dave would be flying away and up the mountain on a shitty skateboard. no, they’re having a serious moment here.]

Boots’re gonna have to be you, dude. The only thing I managed to bring from home is the sord.....

[unfortunately, he ruins a serious moment by literally speaking in comic sans.]

[splinten]

[It takes a moment for Dirk to process that. So first, he says,]

You have the sord.... with you?

[Dirk, sadly, speaks comic sans too. Then he realizes a moment later:]

Wait. You lost flashstepping?

[oculusriffs]

Assuming it isn't inexplicably stuck in another toilet, yeah. It's back in my room.

[ah. there's a question.]

I, uh. Never was really very good at it, so ... probably wouldn't be much help there anyway. [he only uses flashstepping for HUGS.]

Sorry about that.

[splinten]

You... don't have to be? [The apology confuses him. Dave not being able to flashstep also confuses him, but the apology is far more baffling.]

Maybe we could do this another way. I could take the speed boost, and you could take the spiked boots. I could carry you up with the amplified speed, and you could slap the shoes down to keep us from falling when I inevitably hit some loose rock or whatever?

[Another plan, another glance to Dave for approval.

But also:] Can I see the sord... later? [HE REALLY WANTS TO IT WOULD BE SO COOL...]

[oculusriffs]

[man, if there weren't a ban on the magical item trade, Dave would just let Dirk have the sord. and also, daily reminder that the sord and its inherent shittiness makes it actually considered magical.]

Yeah, dude, right after this if you want. I actually got another one just like it, except it's an actual sword instead of a glorified and very shitty wiffle bat.

[that's ... yup, that sure is a thing he owned up to. but he just started talking about it — look, he was told he needed a weapon that wasn't a glorified and very shitty wiffle bat, so that's what he went with.]

[he's not entirely sure how he feels about being carried, but he also doesn't want to fail here, and he especially doesn't want to see Dirk give up again. and it isn't a terrible plan. so he nods, slowly, after a minute.]

But yeah, that works.

[splinten]

Haha, yeah. The things you fucked up with jpegs are pretty bad.

[But it's said with a smile. Dirk loves his Bro's shitty, shitty creations. Why wouldn't he loves Dave's?

He wonders if he sees hesitation there, but he decides to set it aside for a moment. Instead, he gives a nod of affirmation. He grabs one pair of shoes and tosses them to Dave, and he slips on the others for himself.

And he just can't help himself. The words escape his mouth before he notices what he's saying.]

We're doing this, man. We're making this happen.

[oculusriffs]

[Dave almost looks surprised at first, like he didn't expect Dirk to meme at him — much less a meme of his own creation.]

[but then he tries on a small smile of his own, tentative, but sincere all the same, as he pulls on the boots.]

Right. This is what the refrance.

[he's not really sure what to do next to kick off his end of the mountain climbing business, so he'll just. kind of stand there, and wait for Dirk's direction.]

[splinten]

[Yeah, he's definitely smiling now. Dave just SBAHJ meme'd at him, and while Dirk is aware Dave isn't the same person as his Bro, exactly, he also is. And that means, in a very convoluted way, he just got memed at from his favourite work of art, by his personal hero.

(Only Dirk would call it a work of art.)

Dirk, however, has a mission! And so, he stands before Dave, and he

squats.]

Time to pony up, dude.

[That's right. His plan is to piggyback ride this shit. Did you expect anything less stupid from Dirk?]

[oculusriffs]

[it's a work of something, all right.]

[but yeah, this is pretty much exactly nowhere on even the long list of ways Dave thought he'd be hanging out with his AU teenage Bro — literally clinging to him much like that one time he clung to Bro's face when he was an infant.]

[maybe this is actually more apt than either of them realize.]

[in any case, Dave is now the icon we're using!]

Okay, uh. Ready when you are.

[maybe it's more apt than Dave realizes, at least. because if there was ever going to be a Homestuck character who could gear up and pull off a Sonic Rainboom, it would be Dirk fucking Strider.]

[splinten]

[That's pretty accurate. Dirk goes fast. With flashstep on his side and the boots to make him even more intense, he's basically rainbow dashing his way up that mountain, with brotherly backpack doing nothing to slow his down. It's a hop, skip, and a jump, and they're making record time up that rock.

Until Dirk fucking loses his step. There's a curse and now it's up to Dave if he can rescue his pony from a terrible fall.]

[oculusriffs]

[oh god, this is what it feels like to be able to flashstep at entire will — except cranked up past eleven with the help of some booster boots. but then Dirk loses his footing, and Dave doesn't quite react immediately; a split second passes before his balance reorients, and he's scrambling to move and jam his feet down on the side of the mountain, while also not letting Dirk fall either.]

[it takes another few split seconds of scrambling and flailing, but he's more or less awkwardly got an arm wrapped tightly around Dirk, holding him in place against the mountain face while he's clinging to a small rocky bump with his other hand.]

Jesus. Shit — I did not get my fill of flying before it got universe-snatched out of my hands. Face. Pajamas? Something. God, what was I thinking just standing around when I could have been flying?

[this is a really weird way to complain about not being able to fly anymore, Dave.]

You good? M'glad I caught you.

[splinten]

[That was terrifying. But also not, because deep in his gut, Dirk is simply programmed to trust in Dave Strider. So he's breathing hard, but it's short an edge of panic as he holds on just as tight to Dave.]

I'm good. Thanks for that.

[Dirk did not spend his infancy climbing the metal skeleton of an apartment building for nothing. He finds footing, bracing himself against the mountain face. And then he warns Dave,]

Okay, I'm going to bring myself up and then get you, so I need you to let me go.

[When Dave does, Dirk slides down to get better footing, then throws himself up towards a nearby ledge. Then he's crouching down, holding his hand out to Dave, and his conversation flickers back to what Dave had said earlier.]

From my perspective, flying loses a lot of its appeal after you do it for two hours straight and you find there's some absurd maximum speed set in, despite the complete lack of any logic that would clarify why or how there's a limit. There's no clear propellant or force being used, so what's the limiting factor here? Even Paradox Space's idea of flight is total bullshit.

[oculusriffs]

[that was a pretty impressive maneuver. he wants to ask if Dirk did free climbing in his spare time or something, but ... maybe later. he refrains for now, and grabs hold of Dirk's wrist so he can be pulled up.]

Yeah, I guess being a 747 gets boring after a few hours. [that's ... not. Dave.]

Couldn't really tell you a whole lot about physics though, that wasn't my kinda science. Unless you're getting into the time-specific aspects of it.

But I do know that Sburb? Dumbest fucking video game I ever played — and I say that as someone who broke the shit out of Tony Hawk's Pro Skater 4.

[splinten]

[Dirk pulls Dave up on the ledge with him, not letting him out of his tight grip until he knows Dave is on relatively solid ground.]

Huh, never got to play it. Roxy—

[And Dirk stops. And for a moment he doesn't say or do anything. He is just silent.

Then he breathes.]

She liked her Nintendos. Anyway, hop on. We'll see how far I can get this time before you need to save our asses.

[Dirk turns around without any further comment. It's piggyback time, part two. He doesn't have time to think about his dead friends. He needs to keep going.]

[oculusriffs]

[Dave would like to know more about what his mom was like. but even he knows that right now's not really a good time to ask.]

I never did have any Nintendos.

[that's all he offers to that subject. he gets it. he's been coping, or not coping, as it were, with losing his own friends the same way.]




["but, you're here now."]




[Dave doesn't hesitate this time when he hops aboard; misstep aside, the method they've chosen here seems to be working well enough.]

[splinten]

[It sure does! It's absolutely stupid and absurd, but it is also perfectly functional with their skills. Dirk uses the amped up speed to full effect, and as long as Dave manages to save their asses—and isn't a Time player for that?—Dirk can always scramble them back into go mode. So, despite the ridiculous amount of time they spent lying around, it doesn't actually take them that long to get to the top of the mountain.

Dirk pauses up there, not immediately letting Dave down. He has sort of gotten used to his human backpack at this point, and if he's honest with himself, it's comforting to have Dave there. Dirk was, in his way, always the one sending clingy texts.]

Decent view.

[Dave may actually need to tell Dirk to put him down, because otherwise, Dirk is just going to piggyback him right over to the relic.]

[oculusriffs]

It's better than a bunch of buildings on fire, definitely.

[poor Houston. poor buildings on fire. poor Fuzzy's Pizza and all those Whataburgers Dave should have been taking ironic selfies in front of.]

[a few seconds pass before realization sets in, that he's still kinda clinging to Dirk like a baby clings to an ectobiology test tube.]

Uh. [uttered awkwardly. are they just stuck like this now?]

[splinten]

[Dirk continues to not get rid of his backpack brother. He contemplates the jump. It is a big for a jump, to be fair.]

You ready to go down?

[The implication being that he'll take his brother backpack all the way down, yes. It's no five month old vs decayed Houston apartment!]

[oculusriffs]

[on one hand, making Dirk do the vast majority of the work seems like kind of a dick move on Dave's part? on the other hand, being a Yoda backpack isn't the worst thing in the world. on a third, lesser hand, this is Dirk's test. Dave's just kind of literally along for the ride.]

[he doesn't say anything at first.]

Yeah, I'm ready.

— Hang on, are you gonna try jumping?

[splinten]

Yeah? [He glances over his shoulder.] I'm not going to do it all in one jump. But we did a lot of ascending and descending back on my planet. This is the easy part.

[Why has Dirk's entire life been dictated by absurd feats in relation to vertical structures? A question for P. Space.]