snyaiper: (I had an emotion once. It was terrible.)
Ogata Hyakunosuke ([personal profile] snyaiper) wrote in [community profile] balance_logs 2019-11-03 12:41 pm (UTC)

[It's definitely a bad conversation to be having, but at least Ogata seems to be calming down somewhat. Maya's words hit him like a brisk slap in the face. Not painful, more just "how did you not think of this?" Yuusaku wanted a brother. Yeah. He did insist on calling Ogata "older brother" even after Ogata had told him to stop. Told him it wasn't right since Yuusaku outranked him. He's... fairly certain he never wanted a brother. At least, not one like Yuusaku. They seem like more trouble than they're worth and he certainly doesn't want to have the weirdness of the Nikaidou twins. Maybe it's just twins that are like that, though.

But in the broader sense... well, he had always hoped, despite himself, that his father would come back. Would notice him. But he never did, not until Ogata had forced him to. Not until it was too late. And even then he'd clearly barely thought anything of him at all.

He can't even imagine what growing up with Yuusaku would mean. If they'd both been proper sons? Surely Ogata would have been a different person. More like Yuusaku, maybe. He wouldn't have this gnawing hole in his chest where something ineffable should be. Something important.

Yuusaku could never understand how he felt. And their father would never need a defective bastard son with Yuusaku around. That's why Ogata had to kill him.]


... I don't think I know how to do that. I can't learn to like him now. What... what does "making peace" even entail?
[He risks looking over at Yuusaku. Still there, though something feels indistinct about him. Like he's standing behind a pane of thick glass.]

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