[The beauty of this callout is that in his drugged and emotionally honest state, Shinjiro knows Will's right. (Well, maybe less so on the repentance part, there's only so much magical happyjuice can do for you, but still) He does not know enough to realize Will is calling himself out, too, but he can see the truth in the other man's words. Still, it's that sort of situation when you know someone's right, but in a way that doesn't feel like you can apply it to yourself. Like when you make a New Year's resolution to exercise more and get in shape but then a week later you decide you actually can't be fucked and you're eating cheesecake in your workout clothes because you tried and therefore nobody can criticize you.]

I mean, I want to! [A beat.] Well, sort of. I want to and don't want to? It scares the shit outta me, really. Like, what the hell am I even thinkin' talkin' to these people and spendin' time with 'em just cause they ask and checkin' up to make sure they're okay? Tryin' to help when shit goes wrong? I oughta know better. Shit, I left my old team for two years to keep this from happening.

[He fusses with his beanie in vague agitation. He feels this continuing urge for emotional honesty, for the closeness that comes of being able to be vulnerable with someone, but he struggles with the words because it's all a tangle of depression and guilt and tough-guy bullshit that he's never before even tried to untangle, letting it sit in a giant gnarled knot on his chest and weigh him down because he was too tired to start frogging, as it were.]

I dunno. I care about all of them, but that's why I shouldn't keep lettin' this happen. It's wrong, ain't it? Someday it's just gonna hurt. I ain't gonna bring anythin' good into their lives, so it's just selfish.