[There's a long, long silence. Shinjiro just stares at Qrow like he's gone mad, but really, he feels like the one who has. Because that's hilarious, isn't it? The irony is just so goddamn thick he can't even imagine it could be a coincidence. He sinks slowly to the ground with a soft thwump before he curls inward, burying his face in his hands.
Because Qrow doesn't know, he couldn't possibly know that these last two years, he'd been charging full-speed toward death without looking back. He cut himself off from everyone and everything when he started taking the suppressants, in the hopes he could die quietly in some alley by himself and nobody would ever miss him. The only reason he ever came back to SEES was because the kid of the woman he'd killed had joined, and he felt he owed it to Amada, as the person who'd ruined his life, to see to it that he didn't lose it.
And when he finally died, it hadn't been how he wanted--had been surrounded by the distraught faces of his old friends and new acquaintances from his team but it had been an ending, and he could finally, finally be done.
The Hunger had snatched that away, but even though he felt overwhelmed by this second chance he didn't want, he'd tried to take it in stride -- told himself he'd keep on going until his body gave out again. He wouldn't run away from the obligation to bring Amada and their world back, but he was so tired.
Now? He realizes he was wrong earlier, when he thought there wasn't any more weight to carry, because that new revelation presses down on his chest and he feels like he can't breathe. He doesn't know what to do with the idea that he doesn't have an expiration date anymore, that he just has to....keep doing this, for however long it takes. He's not Aki; the get up and go in him got up and left a long time ago, and Shinjiro's just been dragging along a carcass in its wake. He lets out a shaky breath.]
cw: suicidal ideation, references to past suicidal behavior
Because Qrow doesn't know, he couldn't possibly know that these last two years, he'd been charging full-speed toward death without looking back. He cut himself off from everyone and everything when he started taking the suppressants, in the hopes he could die quietly in some alley by himself and nobody would ever miss him. The only reason he ever came back to SEES was because the kid of the woman he'd killed had joined, and he felt he owed it to Amada, as the person who'd ruined his life, to see to it that he didn't lose it.
And when he finally died, it hadn't been how he wanted--had been surrounded by the distraught faces of his old friends and new acquaintances from his team but it had been an ending, and he could finally, finally be done.
The Hunger had snatched that away, but even though he felt overwhelmed by this second chance he didn't want, he'd tried to take it in stride -- told himself he'd keep on going until his body gave out again. He wouldn't run away from the obligation to bring Amada and their world back, but he was so tired.
Now? He realizes he was wrong earlier, when he thought there wasn't any more weight to carry, because that new revelation presses down on his chest and he feels like he can't breathe. He doesn't know what to do with the idea that he doesn't have an expiration date anymore, that he just has to....keep doing this, for however long it takes. He's not Aki; the get up and go in him got up and left a long time ago, and Shinjiro's just been dragging along a carcass in its wake. He lets out a shaky breath.]
...Shit.