[It's all a blur. What's not blocked out by static is fuzzed over from slowly fading consciousness, from a body that was bleeding out. All he can still picture is a hand reaching out, and having taken it. And when he opens his eyes, laying on the soft grass in the Quad, he's not sure what happened. The first thing he notices is the lack of pain; his back and stomach no longer ache like they're on fire, and when he looks, the only evidence of having been shot at all is the blood still soaking his coat.
There's others here, some looking equally confused and others not, and he's still reeling from -- everything. He was supposed to be dead; he has a hard time believing this is some kind of afterlife, not least because he's pretty sure he wouldn't deserve it. But no other explanation makes much sense, either. He tries again to remember what happened, but there's just the static again, and the hand, and the woman's voice. It's probably connected, but hell if he can figure out how.
He sighs roughly as he gets up, grumbling--]
What the hell is goin' on....
ii. we survived the apocalypse - post voidfish, pre-test of initiation
[After the Voidfish Experience™, Shinjiro finds himself with quite a few things to think about, as they're being herded toward the place where the Test of Initiation is going to be. There's something almost bitterly ironic about it, finding himself chosen as some kind of champion for his universe when he'd tried so hard to leave it all behind. Tried to suppress his powers, to run away from what had happened. He'd adamantly refused to come back and fight the Shadows for two years, and now he's part of an entirely new fight--one which he can't even refuse, for the sake of the same person he'd meant to die for. Ken couldn't very well move on and make a life for himself if there was no universe left to live in, after all.
It's a bit overwhelming, truth be told, but he's not exactly about to share those feelings with any of the others. Instead, he muses out loud, semi-directed at whoever might be nearby:]
Wonder what this "test" is supposed to be like.
[He hasn't been to school in two years ok .... how does test.]
iii. the past is never dead - test of initiation [ closed to guido mista ]
[It seems simple enough, on its face. The forest is deceptively innocuous, and Shinjiro is blissfully ignorant of what's awaiting him in just a few moments, though he does frown briefly at the item on the pedestal. A gun, it looks like -- pointedly similar to the Evoker that's still at his waist. That's a little on the nose, he thinks. The Director must've done her research when she reached through space and time to get to him. Still -- if that's supposed to represent power, it doesn't hold much appeal to Shinjiro, who hasn't had a desire for such a thing in years.
He steps up to the pedestal, though he pauses before actually touching the simulated Relic, turning to his partner.]
So...we're just supposed to grab this thing and throw it away, right?
iv. ashes to ashes, dust to dust - simulation room [cw: references to past suicidal ideation & behavior] [The test was so much worse than he'd ever imagined. He seems to almost be in a daze when he comes out of it, and he wanders around the halls of the moon base aimlessly for awhile. Eventually, he finds himself in the simulation room, though he doesn't bother to close the door behind him when he enters.
What memory do you think of most?
What indeed. The answer comes automatically, before he even thinks about it -- and then the room reforms, and he's in that spot behind Port Island Station again in the Dark Hour, sitting on the steps near the place where he lost control of Castor. Where a woman died. Where he wrecked a little kid's life. It's a memory that he's played and replayed over and over for the last two years, and the one that the Bureau had seen fit to test him with. His path had seemed so straightforward, back then; taking the Persona suppressants, removing himself from the fight against the Shadows and his connections with SEES. Making sure he could die quietly and alone so he could never bring harm to another person's life again. And after Ken joined SEES, it was obvious what he had to do then, too. Every step of the way since that night had always been so clear, but the test had made him question. What if he could take it all back? All that pain, all that misery? What if Ken and his mother could be happy until the end of the world?
It'd taken nearly everything he had to resist, to decide saving their universe was more important. But even now, he sits on those empty steps, and pictures that moment again. The simulation room doesn't allow for people, so Ken and his mother aren't here, but they don't need to be.
He's not sure how long he sits there, staring up at that pea-green sky listlessly, when he hears footsteps. Shinjiro straightens up slowly, like there's an invisible weight attached to his back, but he does get up eventually.]
no subject
[It's all a blur. What's not blocked out by static is fuzzed over from slowly fading consciousness, from a body that was bleeding out. All he can still picture is a hand reaching out, and having taken it. And when he opens his eyes, laying on the soft grass in the Quad, he's not sure what happened. The first thing he notices is the lack of pain; his back and stomach no longer ache like they're on fire, and when he looks, the only evidence of having been shot at all is the blood still soaking his coat.
There's others here, some looking equally confused and others not, and he's still reeling from -- everything. He was supposed to be dead; he has a hard time believing this is some kind of afterlife, not least because he's pretty sure he wouldn't deserve it. But no other explanation makes much sense, either. He tries again to remember what happened, but there's just the static again, and the hand, and the woman's voice. It's probably connected, but hell if he can figure out how.
He sighs roughly as he gets up, grumbling--]
What the hell is goin' on....
ii. we survived the apocalypse - post voidfish, pre-test of initiation
[After the Voidfish Experience™, Shinjiro finds himself with quite a few things to think about, as they're being herded toward the place where the Test of Initiation is going to be. There's something almost bitterly ironic about it, finding himself chosen as some kind of champion for his universe when he'd tried so hard to leave it all behind. Tried to suppress his powers, to run away from what had happened. He'd adamantly refused to come back and fight the Shadows for two years, and now he's part of an entirely new fight--one which he can't even refuse, for the sake of the same person he'd meant to die for. Ken couldn't very well move on and make a life for himself if there was no universe left to live in, after all.
It's a bit overwhelming, truth be told, but he's not exactly about to share those feelings with any of the others. Instead, he muses out loud, semi-directed at whoever might be nearby:]
Wonder what this "test" is supposed to be like.
[He hasn't been to school in two years ok .... how does test.]
iii. the past is never dead - test of initiation [ closed to guido mista ]
[It seems simple enough, on its face. The forest is deceptively innocuous, and Shinjiro is blissfully ignorant of what's awaiting him in just a few moments, though he does frown briefly at the item on the pedestal. A gun, it looks like -- pointedly similar to the Evoker that's still at his waist. That's a little on the nose, he thinks. The Director must've done her research when she reached through space and time to get to him. Still -- if that's supposed to represent power, it doesn't hold much appeal to Shinjiro, who hasn't had a desire for such a thing in years.
He steps up to the pedestal, though he pauses before actually touching the simulated Relic, turning to his partner.]
So...we're just supposed to grab this thing and throw it away, right?
iv. ashes to ashes, dust to dust - simulation room
[cw: references to past suicidal ideation & behavior]
[The test was so much worse than he'd ever imagined. He seems to almost be in a daze when he comes out of it, and he wanders around the halls of the moon base aimlessly for awhile. Eventually, he finds himself in the simulation room, though he doesn't bother to close the door behind him when he enters.
What memory do you think of most?
What indeed. The answer comes automatically, before he even thinks about it -- and then the room reforms, and he's in that spot behind Port Island Station again in the Dark Hour, sitting on the steps near the place where he lost control of Castor. Where a woman died. Where he wrecked a little kid's life. It's a memory that he's played and replayed over and over for the last two years, and the one that the Bureau had seen fit to test him with. His path had seemed so straightforward, back then; taking the Persona suppressants, removing himself from the fight against the Shadows and his connections with SEES. Making sure he could die quietly and alone so he could never bring harm to another person's life again. And after Ken joined SEES, it was obvious what he had to do then, too. Every step of the way since that night had always been so clear, but the test had made him question. What if he could take it all back? All that pain, all that misery? What if Ken and his mother could be happy until the end of the world?
It'd taken nearly everything he had to resist, to decide saving their universe was more important. But even now, he sits on those empty steps, and pictures that moment again. The simulation room doesn't allow for people, so Ken and his mother aren't here, but they don't need to be.
He's not sure how long he sits there, staring up at that pea-green sky listlessly, when he hears footsteps. Shinjiro straightens up slowly, like there's an invisible weight attached to his back, but he does get up eventually.]
Sorry. Must've lost track of time.